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6 Ways to Deal With Frustrating People

Are some people driving you crazy and blocking your path to success? Try these six tips to remove them as obstacles.
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I find one of the biggest challenges in business is having to work with lots of people who don't always see things the same way or share motivations. Diversity of opinion can be very helpful, but so often these people will intentionally or unintentionally slow you down or block your way. Regardless of their intent, one way or another you still have to resolve their concerns to move forward.

Because any innovative forward progress is likely to stimulate pushback and resistance, you need a solid set of tools to deal with those who will stand as roadblocks to your success. Just because they frustrate you doesn't mean they have to keep you from achieving your objectives. These six tips and a little determination can help you overcome any adversary.

1. Figure out the why. Sure, some people are random and arbitrary, but most reasonable people have a motive for being a roadblock. Do some digging to find out this person's true objectives. Someone's contrary nature may have nothing to do with you, but if you can get to the root, you can figure out a way to placate the person and find some sort of compromise. Until you find out exactly why he or she is contradictory, you are wasting valuable time and energy stabbing in the dark.

2. Speak someone's language. So often, frustrating encounters are simple errors of communication. You may have knowledge and expertise in a specific area that is unfamiliar to your opponent. It also may be that he or she is the one with relevant knowledge and experience. Either way, you are better off sharing what you know and working together in an atmosphere of understanding. Take the time to ask for the person's perspective on the issue at hand. Once you know how he or she conceptualizes the situation, and the vocabulary the person grasps most intuitively, you can clear any static out of the channel.

3.  Give them what they want. One of the secrets to successful negotiation is finding out what the other party wants most. What is the one thing someone most desires to leave the table with? What will he or she leave behind? Once you know what the person wants, lay out the circumstances under which you can give it, if at all possible. And remember--the thing doesn't have to be an object. It can be an opportunity, emotional or social recognition, or other reward. It can even be protection from a perceived threat on someone's horizon. If you can't meet his or her needs fully, have the person suggest an alternative and show that you are willing to work toward a compromise for the greater good.

4. Get the person invested in you. People work harder to be polite and accommodating to someone they like and respect. So, work to build a positive relationship with the person in the grand scheme. Take a genuine interest in his or her needs and wants. Show empathy and understanding for the person's concerns. Help him or her understand that you are a person who is more than just a goal-oriented taskmaster. Help the person see the greater good of your objectives in a way that is exciting and inspiring.

5. Go around someone. Sometimes, you just cannot bring people around to your way of thinking. If that happens, look for other routes to your objective. Ideally, you want the people causing your frustration to back down and remove themselves from the path. But if they won't, use your creativity to find other routes to achieve your objectives. No need to disrespect anyone in the process. Today's obstacle may be tomorrow's supporter.

6. Examine yourself. The man across the table may currently be the bane of your existence. But you are probably also the bane of his. Perhaps you are guilty of emotional resistance, territoriality, or obtuseness. Take a break from the battle and reflect on your own behavior. There might be ways for you to open yourself up to him, demonstrate good faith, and de-escalate tension. You can even ask your nemesis specifically what you can do to right the situation. You might be surprised at the simplicity of the response. At the very least, you will have assessed to a point at which you can clearly identify the source of the conflict.

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Last updated: Apr 11, 2014

KEVIN DAUM | Columnist

An Inc. 500 entrepreneur with a more than $1 billion sales and marketing track record, Kevin Daum is the best-selling author of Video Marketing for Dummies and the executive producer of Amilya! on 77WABC New York. Sign up here and never miss out on Kevin's thoughts and humor.

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.



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