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What Every Boss Really Wants For Xmas

What do bosses really want for Xmas? See if your list is the same as the one in this heartfelt letter to Santa.
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Dear Santa,

I have been a very good boss all year. I led my team with passion and a clear vision. I tried to be fair and honest. I did my best to make good decisions. I even helped the company collaborate with several worthy causes. So I feel that I have earned this short list of very reasonable gifts.

1. Employees who can read my mind, so that the next time we agree on something that needs to be done, they don't come back and ask me every detail on how to do it.

2. A compelling value proposition and marketing program that attracts customers predisposed to buy at a premium price, so I can stop our revolving door of sales people who can't make a living selling our products.

3. A bank that understands that if I had the amount of money in my accounts they require for a line of credit, I wouldn't need their line of credit.

4. Computers and equipment that become obsolete AFTER the lease expires.

5. Investors who understand that their money and advice was a good reason to bring them aboard, but what I really need from them are customers.

6. Software that will let my employees use social media for business and marketing, yet somehow restrict them from constantly playing Words with Friends, and Facebooking all day.

7. An employee benefit program that increases my costs less than 5% per year AND that actually helps my employees.

8. A technology team that realizes that the customer's experience is primary, regardless of how "cool" the technology is.

9. A family that understands that it's the same passionate ambition they admire about me that keeps me happily working 18-hour days.

10. Positive cash flow five days BEFORE payroll is due.

11. Meetings that actually have a purposeful structure with a beginning, middle and end so we don't lose massive amounts of time into a black hole.

12. A management team that is more interested in getting to the truth then being right or "getting along," so we can solve our problems rather than avoid them.

I realize Santa that I should be able to arrange for many of these things myself. But I am only one person and I've got a business to run. And honestly I believe some of these things can only be made by elves. Hopefully you'll take pity on me and grant me some of my list.  I'll be forever grateful and be a good boss from here on out. I offer you below a special Xmas carol to warm your heart in the spirit of the holidays.

Happy Holidays,

John Q. Employer

The Twelve Business Days of Xmas
(Sing it loud for all to hear!)

On the first day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
An assistant who listens to me.

On the second day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the third day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the fourth day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the fifth day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
FIVE REAL DAYS OFF!...
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the sixth day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Six salesmen selling
FIVE REAL DAYS OFF!
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the seventh day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Seven bloggers blogging,
Six salesmen selling,
FIVE REAL DAYS OFF!
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the eighth day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Eight tweeters tweeting,
seven bloggers blogging,
six salesmen selling,
FIVE REAL DAYS OFF!
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the ninth day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Nine meetings ending,
eight tweeters tweeting,
seven bloggers blogging,
six salesmen selling,
FIVE REAL DAYS OFF!
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the tenth day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Ten deposits banking,
nine meetings ending,
Eight tweeters tweeting,
Seven bloggers blogging,
Six salesmen selling,
FIVE REAL DAYS OFF!
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the eleventh day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Eleven buyers buying,
ten deposits banking,
nine meetings ending,
eight tweeters tweeting,
seven bloggers blogging,
six salesmen selling,
FIVE REAL DAYS OFF!
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds and
an assistant who listens to me.

On the twelfth day of Xmas my employees gave to me:
Twelve months cash-a-flowing,
eleven clients buying,
ten deposits banking,
nine meetings ending,
eight tweeters tweeting,
seven bloggers blogging,
six salesmen selling,
FIVE REAL DAYS OFF!
Four call-in leads,
three problems solved,
two funding rounds
AND AN ASSISTANT WHO LISTENS TO ME!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Last updated: Dec 18, 2012

KEVIN DAUM | Columnist

An Inc. 500 entrepreneur with a more than $1 billion sales and marketing track record, Kevin Daum is the best-selling author of Video Marketing for Dummies and the executive producer of Amilya! on 77WABC New York. Sign up here and never miss out on Kevin's thoughts and humor.

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.



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