The Good, The Bad, And The Questionable;

Tweet

What follows is a quick sampling of recently created names -- some terrific, some not, and some that could go either way. Since company size can determine the options offered any would-be renamer, we've considered big businesses separately from small.

Large-Company Names

Sun Co., Allied Corp., and so on. These are cases where a limiting portion of a company's name bites the dust. Clipping "oil" from Sun Oil and "chemical" from Allied Chemical left the names by which most people knew the companies anyway. True, you can't make millions by suggesting that Continental Can Co. change to The Continental Group Inc., but at least no one will make fun of you.

USAir. The switch from Allegheny Airlines to its current name is perhaps our favorite shift of all. Not only does the name change show that the expanded airline now flies beyond the Allegheny Mountains, it also helps obscure the company's terrible reputation. Before there was a People Express Airlines and a mega-Continental Airlines, Allegheny was the carrier that people loved to hate. Ask anyone ever stranded in Pittsburgh courtesy of the airline.

Trinova Corp. It might be the perfect name if three Hollywood superstars -- say, Robert Redford, Warren Beatty, and Benjidecided to pool their talents, but why Libbey-Owens-Ford Co. is now called Trinova is beyond us. Were Messrs. Libbey, Owens, and Ford (the "tri" part) once luminaries (novas)? Maybe they were a big hit with the ladies (Casanovas). We don't know, but the name should at least hint at the meaning, and this one doesn't.

MBPXL Corp. This has been called the worst name ever devised, and that might just be right. (In fact, in 1982 it was changed to Excel Corp.) Not only was it a good example of alphabet soup, a name that is nothing more than a bunch of letters, but the letters didn't even make sense. The name resulted from the combination of Missouri Beef Packers and Kansas Beef Industries. Fine. We now understand where the MBP came from. But XL? Maybe they raise real big cows out in Kansas.

Figgie International. Although it sounds like a '60s pop group that might have opened for the Strawberry Alarm Clock, the name does draw attention. The founder of the former A-T-O Inc., a company that makes automatic sprinkler systems, was rightfully afraid that nobody knew what the letters stood for, so he suggested a change. The founder's name? Harry E. Figgie Jr.

Sara Lee Corp. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee, and everyone was tired of Consolidated Foods Corp., so why not change CF to SL? That was the thinking behind Consolidated naming itself after its most famous product. The gurus say the switch clouds the fact that Sara Lee also operates Hanes Hosiery, Electrolux, and Fuller Brush. But when the company was called Consolidated, nobody even knew it made Sara Lee.

Small-Company Names

Go Fly a Kite. We've always liked names that order you to do something, and this one has the added advantage of instantly letting you know what the company sells. It's also a wonderful name for business writers to work with. When the boss demands to know what you're writing about, you can always say, go fly a kite.

All American Hero. It's long been a toss-up between submarine shops and haircutting establishments as to which side could come up with the worst puns for company names. Is Subway any better than Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow, or From Hair to Eternity? While the folks who insist on calling these sandwiches hoagies or grinders may quibble, All American Hero is simple, clever, and accurately sums up not only what it does, but a good proportion of the U.S. diet as well.

Big Tops. While this name might be wonderful if you made circus equipment, it's not the title we would have chosen for a company that retails clothing to larger women -- which, unfortunately, is what it does. Would you want your customers to think their only apparel option is a tent? Still, we suppose it's better than Big Bottoms.

Acme Plumbing, AAAA Auto Parts, and so on. Yes, there are virtues to being first in the Yellow Pages. But imagine spending the rest of your life running something with this kind of name. As a few glances through the nation's phone books show, big companies don't have a lock on boring names.

Tex's Chain Saw Manicure. Hands down, this tree- and yard-care service was the most intriguing name we found. It appeals to our sense of the macabre. (But we also like Brian DePalma and Edgar Allen Poe.) The question is, though, do you really want old Tex working on your lawn?

Mad Butcher. What is he mad about? High prices? Or customers who order 1.37 pounds of hamburger?