Dychtwald, for instance, knew he could always return to giving speeches and writing books. From the start, he decided he would never put everything he owned on the line; if survival came down to that, he would sell off pieces of the company. True to his word, he sold a quarter of the business in 1990, reducing his ownership to 50%. "I didn't think my family ought to be penniless because of my mistake," he says, "but it still stings when it happens. It really stings."
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What do I tell my family? This one is easy: don't tell your family anything.
Instead, sit down and talk with them about what's likely to happen if you start your own business. Warn them that you won't be around as much as you have been, and that they may have to ingest a little more spaghetti than they would want. Reassure them, though, that you won't let them end up on the street or love them any less.
Whether it succeeds or fails, a start-up venture provides plenty of opportunity for guilt. The entrepreneur, for example, often feels bad about missing family events; the family, for their part, starts to believe the business has usurped their role.
"You go in early in the morning, and your business gets the best of you," says Hawken. "When you get home, you need to be replenished, but people expect more of what you were giving all day. If you haven't got it, they will notice."
Women going into business often feel neglectful. "If your family really resents your not providing the comforts of a home life because you are doing your business, they can make you feel pretty crummy about it," says Lambesis. "That can undermine your ability to focus on the business."
With those kinds of dynamics at work, it's easy for an entrepreneur's spouse to grow distant and unsupportive -- and ultimately even to leave the relationship. To reduce that possibility, it's probably a good idea to meet with other entrepreneurs and their spouses before you go into business. What's the best way to deal with wildly swinging moods? Should your spouse respond honestly to ideas? "Had my wife and I talked to other entrepreneurs and their spouses, it would have made us more sober going into it," says Ken Dychtwald. "We may not have done it."
Keep in mind that Dychtwald, who is five and a half years into his business, has kept his marriage intact. In doing so, he represents an anecdotal -- if not statistical -- oddity.
Barbara Rossi's story is, sadly, more familiar. "Parents Pages did not interest me. I was nervous about pouring the money in, and I was jealous, and I was skeptical," admits Vince Rossi's ex-wife. "My husband was a stockbroker; I hadn't seen any advertising side of him at all. And the amount of time that goes into a new business is a rude awakening for all. There's not enough time to concentrate on the relationship." The Rossis' divorce became final last fall.
Many women start out thinking that having their own business will enable them to better balance the demands of home and work. Back in January 1972, Sandra Kurtzig began Ask Computer Systems in her home. "I wanted to do some software design to keep my mind occupied while my kids were sleeping," she says. Her "part-time job" quickly turned into an 18-hour-a-day grind. In 1974 she vowed she would give it only one more year before giving up; by 1976 Ask Computer Systems had moved into separate quarters.
"I would be remiss if I tried to make it sound easy," says the 45-year-old chairman and chief executive. "When you leave home in the morning, and your son or daughter is two or three and the tears are rushing down his or her face, it's still the woman who ends up feeling the most responsibility."
In 1981 Kurtzig took her $13-million company public; the Ask Cos., as the $400-million company is now called, remains the largest public company founded and run by a woman. "It's important to balance, but I've never really figured out how to do it," she admits. "I like to think that it helped my kids develop more independent personalities than they might have had otherwise. That's a good thing. That will help them in life, I think."
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Indeed, that's what it all comes down to in the end: Personality. But it's not a question of figuring out whether you have the right traits to succeed as an entrepreneur. Rest assured, it takes no contemplation at all to know what kinds of emotional resources you'll need: endless persistence, a little naïveté, some healthy self-confidence, an affection for frugality. To start a company, above all, you need coping skills. Most entrepreneurs rely on listening boards that range from therapists, to meditation instructors, to fellow CEOs, to good friends.
Still, there's no telling how you'll feel when you find yourself signing personal guarantees up one side of the hill and down the next; or when the economy takes a not-so-funny bounce; or when your paycheck doesn't even match your light bill. If you're a refugee from the corporate world, you may be shocked into an awareness of how much support you got from, say, the marketing department. And while you may very well handle all the above situations admirably, the road construction out front may go on just long enough to strangle your business anyway.
But the point of thinking through your reasons for going into business doesn't have anything to do with financial success. If you've been true to yourself, you're simply more likely to have a satisfying entrepreneurial experience, to find more opportunities to express yourself and be creative. Asking yourself some tough questions beforehand won't save you from a negative cash-flow situation, but "people who feel they are expressing themselves have more fun. They don't let the business control them," says Paul Hawken.
Which means that every once in a while -- and maybe just when you think you've had enough -- your own impulses will surprise you. On a trip to New York City last fall, Ken Dychtwald was asked by a client if he could stay overnight so they would have more time the next day. Dychtwald was tempted; with revenues shrinking, he really needed the business. But he had also promised he would be back home in California the next day to see his children's Halloween costumes and to take them trick-or-treating. Off to the airport he trudged. The next night he was roving the neighborhood. "I didn't make any money out of that deal," admits Dychtwald with a sigh. "But I got a Snickers bar."
