Dan Caulfield: The longer you're in business, the more you realize how much the business is a part of you and vice versa. If there's a problem with your love life, family life, stress level ... then those personal issues become the business's issues. We're the victims of our own drive. You need someone to give you very realistic, appropriate, frank, personal feedback -- someone who has the same perspective, someone whose experiences you can learn from so you don't have to do everything the hard way -- and you don't always have to make the same mistakes. Todd does that for me. I met him through YEO [the Young Entrepreneurs' Organization] in 1995.
A couple years ago I went through a particularly difficult period. I'd brought in Ross Perot as an investor in my third start-up, MilitaryHub.com, and then got into an epic equity battle. The business failed, and the dissolution of that company led to the slow, painful death of two others I'd started earlier. It was very serious.
And as all that was happening, I just kept pushing -- and Todd recognized the signs of depression. I was coming in earlier and earlier to work but getting less and less done. I had a horrible rash all over my body and migrating joint pain. But I'd been in the military, and that part of me kept telling myself, "You sissy. Stress doesn't affect you. Keep laying out the goals. Keep taking the steps." But it was amazing. I just couldn't do it. Todd encouraged me not only to seek medical help but also to bring balance back into my life. To work out. Go on adventurous trips.
"You know, Dan," he told me at one point, "you have too many life-changing events going on at the same time. You started a new company, got a multimillion-dollar investment from an entrepreneurial legend, got married, moved to California, got a dog and new house, and have a kid on the way. Just about every kind of major event, all at the same time. And you can really only deal with one at a time."
I lost the 30-plus pounds I'd gained and made lots of changes. One of them was deciding to change my work schedule. I got the idea from Todd.
Todd Smart: Back when we met, Dan and I clicked right off the bat. What was interesting to me was how the peer-to-peer aspect made it really easy. We related well on business and life. This is not a story of somebody meeting their dry cleaner and really finding a sounding board there.
But when we met, I was the one who was in tough times. Dan was going through aggressive growth, I was downsizing and reorganizing. I was stuck, and Dan was a guy who had a lot of vision and confidence and go-go-go that was inspiring and motivating and tons of fun. Later, when he was in trouble, he still had that face on -- but really with an undercurrent of not being sure. Things weren't going the way he'd expected with Ross. Dan had always been able to put together a plan and implement it; with Ross in the picture, it wasn't clear he could. Who got to say go? Who decided direction? And as much as leaders would like to think they can hide that mess, people know. Eventually, Dan didn't know what to trust, what was real and what wasn't. A scary place to be. You second-guess your own judgment. [Editor's note: Perot, having partnered with Caulfield in January 2000, ultimately gained control of the company; Caulfield left the business in April of that year.]
BEEN THERE: "I don't think I'd have been able to help," says Todd Smart, "if I hadn't gone through a similar experience."
He was in a screwed-up spot -- I could see it. What I did was try to be in communication whenever Dan was interested. I tried to ask questions and listen intently and let him know that it was normal to be feeling the way he was feeling -- you feel like you should be doing something, but you don't know what. Maybe that's OK right now. Don't beat yourself up.
I could see it all more clearly than Dan could at the time. But I don't think I'd have been able to help if I hadn't gone through a similar experience. I was real aware of the price I paid.
Caulfield: Now I work a three-and-a-half-day week. Todd's been a student of lifestyle balance for a long time and had heard of the approach from a business coach. I work full days Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday -- I often work a 12-hour day. Wednesday morning I work at the office, but Wednesday afternoon is kind of mine. Every week then I do something for myself, something not business related. Take a class, study for class, read books, chill out, whatever. Friday is a buffer day. I don't go to the office, but what I do can be business related in the sense of spending the time thinking about business, reading magazines, doing all those things you never have time to do because you can only do them alone.
I never work on the weekends anymore. We have a strong rule at home to try not even to talk about work. I'm so in love with business, I could end up talking about it all the time. Makes you seem very shallow.
What's amazing is that I get a lot more work done this way. An enormous amount of work. I'm a sprinter.
Smart: The biggest parallel between my earlier troubles and what happened to Dan wasn't in the specifics -- I had a business fail and a breakup with my girlfriend. It was in the way you almost get a desire to isolate yourself, to push away resources and people. I don't know what the root of that is. Could be shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment. Just not wanting to talk about the obvious, about what's going on. I went through that. I distanced myself from important relationships with friends and family. It was almost like hiding out. Not wanting to face the facts about what was going on in my business or my life. I remember going to movies, double features, just trying to get far from reality. It just wasn't a healthy time. I wish I had a magic formula for reaching somebody in that stage.
