Test your Spy-Q. Plus: Publicists, confidentially speaking; and cash or cruise: Which would you choose?
"There is no such thing as paranoia. It's all true," said Hunter S. Thompson. Take his word for it. If people in the business world were trustworthy, why would there be a need for The Spy's Guide: Office Espionage? The book--published this month by Quirk Books, the private outfit behind the Worst-Case Scenario franchise--offers CIA-style tips for the entrepreneurial 007.
1. If you fear someone is eavesdropping on a meeting, you should:
Loudly play tapes of your voices while conferring in a whisper
Write your conversation out on a dry-erase board
Speak in tongues
Learn sign language
2. Hotel safes are unreliable, so the best place to hide documents while on a trip is:
Inside a plastic bag, pinned to a top corner of the drapes behind the sheer curtain
A hollowed-out Bible a la Shawshank Redemption
Behind the domestic canned beer in the minibar
Never go on a business trip--just think of what they're doing back at the office!
3. A simple way to see if anyone is rummaging through your briefcase is to:
Tape tissue paper to the top and bottom of the case, and see if it is torn
Hide under a desk or behind a lampshade within the vicinity of the briefcase; wait
Lay the briefcase flat, stand film canisters upright inside; then, see if they are toppled
4. The best way to covertly tape a meeting is:
Hide a tiny video camera in your briefcase
Pretend to turn off your cell phone, but really dial an answering machine at home
Sew a pocket mini-recorder on the inside of your slacks
Duct tape a wire-wearing monkey to the underside of the conference table
5. The most effective means of keeping e-mail from being systematically read is to:
Change your e-mail address frequently
Conceal messages with spam-like subject lines such as "BE A STALLION IN BED!!!!"
Never e-mail. Only speak to those you are about to kill
Download the Pretty Good Privacy encryption program for free (www.pgpi.org)