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I Know How She Feels

Phaedra Hise's account of being an entrepreneur's spouse resonated deeply with me ["Confessions of an Entrepreneur's Wife," March]. All anyone ever talks about are the entrepreneurs who walk off happily into the future after cashing out with millions. When I read about The Switch filing for bankruptcy, I felt such empathy for Bill Hargis, as well as fear for my own well being. Could this happen to us?

Our company is traveling a similar path, and I feel as if I am walking in Bill's shoes. To some degree, it is slightly worse for us because my wife is the CEO of our company, and we are both consumed by the business. I admire Bill and Phaedra greatly for having the courage to build the business and to speak about the failure. I hope the Hargis family gets the peace and normalcy that we all leave behind when we go off on these crazy journeys.

David Abrahams
co-founder
Kalahari Limited
Atlanta

I thought I was alone. I too am proud that my husband has taken the risk and fought dragons that he would not have encountered in a j-o-b. Our entrepreneurial lifestyle has forced us to live more realistically when it comes to money. We strive to protect the spark between us. We acknowledge each other's efforts and avoid giving each other unsolicited advice. When I watch what my husband does, there is no way I could ever give him the grief and demands that I hear others giving their spouses. I just respect him too much.

Rebecca P. Campbell
Harleysville, Pennsylvania

Bill Hargis doesn't strike me as a "smart M.B.A." at all. He made the most basic mistake: He started his company without enough capital. By contrast, a few years ago my wife, who has no M.B.A., started a small company that specializes in corporate gift baskets. She funded the company with enough money to operate and grow for a few years. Since day one the business has been profitable, and she is nowhere near the disaster Hargis created for his investors, his family, and himself.

Jacques Lahaie
Alpharetta, Georgia

It was refreshing to read about the other side of the entrepreneur's dream. Behind the strategic planning and marketing objectives often lie the fears and frustrations of lonely visionaries. I know something about Bill's journey from the thrilling high of new sales conquests to the absolute low of lawsuits and rejection from one's own so-called partners.

When I noticed The Switch sodas at Whole Foods Market, I had to try them. I sampled the Fruit Berry flavor, and what I tasted was the bitterness of loss, the loss of one man's dreams. I, too, have felt despair as I've watched my own company's sales and profits dwindle in the past year. Behind the cold, hard statistics of profit and loss are somebody's sweat and soul. Yet, at the end of the day we are thankful that we can go home, like Bill, to a loving spouse and children who will forgive us even if our business is hurting.

Arnie Goldman
President
IDN-Hardware Sales
Livonia, Michigan

Phaedra Hise's disturbing account of her five-year sacrifice supporting an entrepreneurial husband really hit home. I can relate to taking the kids on trips alone and having a husband who comes home late only to eat and sleep while the rest of the family carries on the so-called normal activities--school, recitals, PTA meetings, church, choir practice--without his participation. Entrepreneurs can be damaging to a family infrastructure. The anger, loneliness, and abandonment that they perpetuate is real, and they seem immune to the impact that pursuing their "dream" can have on others. Sadly, I think we gals become the enablers by being so efficient at holding together the household alone.

Heather Dawson
Charleston, South Carolina

After reading Phaedra Hise's article, I was left with little respect for her husband, not only for what he put his family through, but for what he put his investors through. I found myself feeling sorry for the venture capitalists for a change. The most shocking part of this whole story, though, appeared in the very last sentence of the article. After Hise shares the nightmare that her husband put her through, she states that it's a good thing that her family became stronger "because I'm betting that before too long, Bill will decide to do it all again." Given that remark, I'm not so sure that she learned anything from this ordeal. 

Corby Pelto
President and founder
Pelto Group
Minneapolis

Our little company has challenges that seem to require 120 percent of my attention, just as The Switch did Bill's. I'm already concerned that my wife is feeling the same things Phaedra described. Starting today I'm spending less time fighting the battle and enjoying more time with her.

Ron Vermillion
CEO
Vermillion and Associates
Chattanooga

What was the entrepreneurial lesson learned here? Start-ups are a waste of time? Entrepreneurs are bad fathers and husbands? Work-life balance is important?

Yeah, I'm one of those guys whose family has given up certain luxuries while I work really hard at selling people on my idea. I'm an entrepreneur. Our wives are already great at helping us stay balanced and reminding us what it was like when we used to work for someone else. Stories like this just incite fear, especially when the business was lost for reasons beyond the owner's control.

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