Secrets of a Master Negotiator
Use these skills from a former trial attorney to increase your ability to negotiate a deal.
Life is negotiation. So much of our daily lives revolve around this practice, and yet so few of us spend any time truly learning what it takes to become great at this requisite skill.
Think about it: How much of your life involves negotiation? Most people don't realize when it is taking place. But it surrounds us. It is who we are.
Sure, everyone knows that you have to negotiate to buy a car. Some may even know that almost every retailer—if pushed—will negotiate a better price for an item. But what about the more subtle forms of negotiation? Do you even recognize when these occur?
Have you ever said to your spouse, "I'll take out the trash. Can you load the dishwasher?" Negotiation. When you ask for a raise? Negotiation. Who's driving? Negotiation.
Since I was a child, my parents have always told me I was good at manipulating others. Negotiation. Perhaps it was inevitable that I went into law, at least initially. A profession that heightened my abilities at reading people and knowing how to react to the tells they were giving me.
After half a lifetime of negotiating and learning the techniques to do so better, here are a few of the secrets I have picked up:
Basic Skills
1. Listen
To negotiate, you must learn how to listen and apply what you hear to formulate your next move. Every word has a purpose. Every statement a hidden tell. If you listen carefully, I mean really carefully, you will be able to hear and understand what your opponent in the negotiation truly wants. Listening is the bare minimum skill you must have to start building your abilities as a good negotiator.
2. Be Willing to Walk Away
When two sides are negotiating, one of the other most basic skills you must retain is the ability to walk away if the deal does not satisfy your requirements. Some may think this is axiomatic, but it is not.
Once I was assisting a friend in negotiating the purchase of a new car. At the end we were close, but the dealer refused to remove some extra charge that was just more fat on the bone for his sales price. After much back-and-forth over this item, we reached an impasse: The salesman would not take it out of the price, and I would not move on him taking it out. I stood up, politely thanked him for his time, and said to my friend, "Let's go."
To my surprise, my friend remained seated, turned his eyes toward me, his expression quickly changing to that of a child's wanting a toy in a toy store, and said, "But I really want the car." At that point, any chance of continuing to negotiate a better deal evaporated like a puddle on a hot Southern summer afternoon. If he would have stood and walked, we would have never made it to the door before that item was taken off the cost. But by not being willing to walk away, we gave the other side a critical advantage: He knew we would not walk. Always be willing to walk away from a deal, and let it be known in either a subtle or not so subtle manner, as the situation dictates.
Intermediate Skills
1. Feign Indifference, Don't be Indifferent
Obviously we care about the thing we are negotiating for, otherwise there would not be a negotiation. But just as we must be willing to walk away from the deal, equally as important is that you must never let the other party know how much you want or need to make the deal.
For example, for anyone who is familiar with my other writings you may recall that I am a trial attorney who has tried hundreds of cases in my career and litigated thousands more. At some juncture during the course of litigation, the parties will discuss settlement. Irrespective of my client's concerns and directives, I always feign indifference during settlement discussion. Why? Because if the other side ever gets a whiff that you are not willing to try the case, it will have a decided advantage over you in the negotiation process.
So no matter if my client is ready to take the case to the mat or can't afford or does not want to move forward anymore, opposing counsel gets the same routine from me every time: "We can try to settle the case or just go to trial. I'm good with whatever." The goal in feigning indifference is to be as difficult to read as a blank page. In the end, however, it is a valuable skill to have in any negotiation. So you may not be indifferent, but never let them know.
2. Have the Ammunition You Need
In litigation, this is about having your case ready to go to trial if it does not settle and making sure the other party knows you are ready. In other negotiations, such as in real estate, it's about letting a prospective purchaser know you have another buyer on the line and that if he does not meet your terms, you'll just sell it to the other guy. In any negotiation that involves an alternative action if the terms are not met, you must let the other party know you can, and will, do a specific act it does not want you to do in the event terms are not met. In short, let the other party know that you have your ammo and are willing to use it.
Many years ago, my then firm represented a man who had been horrifically injured by a product. Our firm was brought in to represent his interests against the manufacturer. Because of certain confidentiality provisions, I cannot mention the product or even the type of product it was. Suffice to say, however, it was the first case of its kind and had significant national exposure on not only a media level but political as well. Well, as in any litigation case, the parties are required to exchange documents whether they are detrimental or not to your case.
We knew that the defendants were holding out on us and saying that these specific very damaging reports did not exist despite the fact we had witnesses that testified to the contrary. We knew if we got our hands on these reports, they would be shaking in their boots. Well, to make a long story short while referencing a great episode from Seinfeld, we employed a special team of people to "retrieve" the reports for us, and "yadda yadda yadda," we appeared at pretrial with these ultra-damaging reports in hand. The case, one of the most contentious and longest I had ever been involved in, settled minutes later. Why? Because we had the ammo.
So it does not matter if it is litigation, real estate sales with an alternative buyer, or otherwise, always have the ammo—or appearance thereof—to support your side in the negotiation.
Advanced Skills
1. What Motivates the Other Party? Use It
As a prerequisite, you must always listen. Listening, as stated above, is critical to hearing what the other side wants. But on a higher level, you must strive to understand why. What is motivating the why? If you can listen between the lines to understand that which truly motivates the other party, you will gain a decided advantage in the negotiation of the deal.
