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Former eBay CEO For Governor of California

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Meg Whitman wants Arnold Schwarznegger's job. I normally would leave this one alone. But, there's just too many punch lines and we're going into the weekend. I've been saving this one since Monday.

I'll say this; a big,clunky messed up organization like the State of California could learn a lot from small business owners on eBay. I'm not so sure that translates into hiring its former CEO who is a big business person at her corel; a big business person who got her start running Mr. Potato Head toys back in dark ages before Al Gore invented the Internet, no less.

California has big fiscal problems. The logic goes; elect a savvy business person to come in and clean up the mess.

Let's just start with the premise....

If California worked like eBay

1. First you'd have to use the system (like pay your state taxes, participate in your kid's PTA, be a volunteer firefighter in Castroville - the artichoke capitol of the world, sit on a jury, etc.) and get a favorable rating. Then, you could actually run for office.

2. If your favorable rating falls below 85%, plan on getting impeached. No one's going to trust you below that.

3. You could try to bid down on your property taxes or cut your losses and just do the "pay now" option.

4. Speaking of payments. You could pay all fines, fees and taxes via PayPal.

5. Call your representative via Skype.

6. Expect drop shipping to some how come up during the debates.

7. Portraits of past governors, like Ronald Reagan, Jerry Brown, etc. will be replaced with blown up poster size versions of Mickey Mantle's rookie card (made in China, of course).

8. Whatever the state budget is; buy.com will beat it.

9. New cabinet positions; secretary of collectibles, secretary of fake prada bags, secretary of...

10. Illegal immigration is no longer an issue. As long as you are a registered user of the state, you can be a fully participating citizen within minutes (as soon as you get that e-mail with the activation link).

Lastly, all state employees would have the potential to become millionaires on the job. However, they must be willing to work 150 hours a week and find room to store 10,000 pairs of gently worn UGGs in their own garages at home. There will be incentive bonuses for making weekly "batch runs" to the post office.

Have a great holiday weekend.

- Renee Oricchio


Last updated: Feb 13, 2009




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