iPhone 4 Smack Down by Consumer Reports

Tweet

I'm sputtering as I write this. Headline #1: Consumer Reports is officially "not recommending" the iPhone 4. Headline #2: Apple "lost" (as in the dog-ate-my-homework kind of lost) the thread about the CR report on its Apple Support Forums. I went back and double-checked my thesaurus and FYI; "lost" and "censorship" are not synonyms. At least they are not supposed to be.

By the way, file this one under "the enemy of my enemy is my friend". Microsoft-owned Bing, has the missing thread from the Apple site. Here it is, if you'd like to read it. I'm sure Google has it too somewhere. You think?

More importantly, however, please read the Consumer Reports article on the iPhone 4.

Here's some of the juicy bits, if you don't have time:

CR confirms there is definitely a problem with the antenna and has a dead spot on the outer band that reduces signal strength and can drop calls.

As for Apple's mumbo jumbo that it's a merry mix up about the bars misrepresenting signal strength in the software:

"Our findings call into question the recent claim by Apple that the iPhone 4's signal-strength issues were largely an optical illusion caused by faulty software that "mistakenly displays 2 more bars than it should for a given signal strength."

- Consumer Reports, "Lab Tests: Why Consumer Reports Can't Recommend The iPhone 4"

It would also appear that AT&T is off the hook on this one (and there was much rejoicing on their end).

"The tests also indicate that AT&T's network might not be the primary suspect in the iPhone 4's much-reported signal woes."

- Consumer Reports, "Lab Tests: Why Consumer Reports Can't Recommend The iPhone 4"

Now, here's the most trago-ironic part of the article to me. Consumer Reports, addressed those that have purchased the iPhone 4 and recommends this as a fix:

DUCT TAPE!!!

Yes, friends, just put a little piece of duct tape on the lower left rim of your uber cool iPhone 4 and no worries. Of course, you'll have a piece of butt-ugly duct tabe on your new iPhone 4 that you purchased because it was the Mona Lisa of modern design (I would argue that industrial design is to the 21st century what oil paintings were to the Renaissance).

Before I step off my soapbox this morning:

Apple, oh my Gawd, this is quickly becoming so much more than an antenna fiasco. This is your credibility  and it is dropping as fast as a call on one of your new phones.

1. Your new iPhone has a problem. Actually, more than one. Fix them! You can't hype a product to the moon, encourage the faithful to camp out for the fourth coming of iPhone and then make damage control your number one priority. You have the most rabidly loyal customers (other than perhaps Star Trek fans). They deserve better than this from you!

2. Shame on you for being more committed to your launch schedule and hype machine than to your customers, in the first place. You shipped a phone that sucks and you continue to knowingly do it today. Here it is, front and center on the Apple site, "iPhone 4 is here". 

3. As one blogger so brilliantly juxtaposed the screen grab from your famous 1984 ad on his blog with these most recent events, yes you have become the very thing you once promised to counter yourself to among other tech giants. Censoring bad news, knowingly shipping a faulty product, the Jason Chen affair, forcing your developers into a Sophie's Choice between your App tools and Adobe's; I would argue that you are the monster that you once protested.

Increasingly, your beautiful, sleek products are looking less as bright, shiny welcoming fruit hanging from a tree and more as Old Testament objects of craven seduction for selfish purpose.

Stepping down now...

As always, dear readers, you are welcome to follow me on Twitter @oricchio

Renee Oricchio is a technology writer and former supervising news producer for CNN Financial News. She has been covering the computer industry since 1987. @oricchio