Getting what you want is tough. This is especially true when you are dealing with people who are stubborn. I can't tell you how many times I've gone into a sales meeting and been told, "I'll tell you right now we're not buying." Talk about a phrase so seller ever wants to hear, it makes my job that much tougher. In these situations, most people get discouraged. They deliver a quick pitch and get out of the meeting as fast as possible to chase easier customers.

Overtime, I've learned a better strategy is to just approach these situations in a different way. When you come across someone who's already decided to not give in, you must work hard at breaking that thought process. To do this, I've posted three helpful tips below. Start incorporating these into your conversations, and you'll start getting the results you want.

1. Get three affirmative yeses

When we want a huge commitment from someone, many times we go into a long explanation than make the big ask. The problem with this strategy is there is no buildup or common ground found. The person you're speaking with is programmed to say no, and they're expecting the big ask.

Instead, try getting the other party to agree on three small statements before you drop the major request. For instance, if I'm selling a pen an easy question I'd ask early on is, "It's important to have something to write with for your job right?" This question is so obvious almost nobody will say no. I'll then ask two more questions like this then finally get to the major ask. Once someone has agreed with me on three things, it will be easier for them to agree on the fourth and most important.

2. Power of the pause

Ever tried to get something from someone who couldn't take you seriously? To get what you want in this situation, you need to make the other person understand the seriousness of your request. To do this and build up curiosity, use the power of the pause. When you have the key selling point in your conversation, leave about two seconds of silence after you say it. The amount of attention and focus the other person will pay to your point will be astonishing to you.

An example of this is when you are talking to your significant other. A problem that happens to most of us is we ware out the phrase "I love you." Pretty early in our relationships, that phrase loses merit.

Luckily, there's an easy way to fix this. The next time you say, "I love you" pause for a few seconds afterwards and see how much more of a response you get. It'll be as if he or she is hearing those words for the first time.

3. Make it the other person's idea

Too many of us try winning arguments with force. Bullying the other person and getting angry never lead to any good. Sure, we may get what we want in the short term, but in the long run we'll ruin our relationships. Instead, don't have the mind of a mercenary; adopt the way of the poet. Many great poets have the ability to use words that allow us to interpret what they're saying with our own experiences. This allows us to feel a connection to the poetry, because it seems like the story is about our own life.

Like the poet, you want the person you're speaking with to feel a connection to the request you're making. One of the best ways to do this is to make it seem like his or her idea when you want something. Try asking a few questions to the other person that will guide them to recommending what you want. Once you get him or her to do that, closing the deal is already done for you.

Published on: Feb 15, 2015
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