My Employee Quit Over a Misdirected Email

Inc.com columnist Alison Green answers questions about workplace and management issues–everything from how to deal with a micromanaging boss to how to talk to someone on your team about body odor.

Here’s a roundup of answers to three questions from readers.

1. My employee quit over a misdirected email

I have two employees who can’t stand each other but they’ve managed to be civil and professional. Sarah is a mid-top performer with a consistently good work product. She’s not a superstar but she is dependable. Dani is temperamental, doesn’t always listen to peers, and has created problems for her teammates when her part of projects either missed the mark or missed the deadline. Dani is on a PIP for performance issues but has been making an effort to improve.

Last week, Sarah had apparently had enough and fired off an email to a friend at work listing all of Dani’s shortcomings. She intended to vent to a friend but she sent the email to Dani. Dani, understandably hurt, came in the next day and quit. While there’s a part of me that’s glad Dani is gone (she was difficult to manage and struggled to get along with anyone), she was leading a critical project with a tight deadline. And now the project will be delayed. I’m asking myself if there should be consequences for Sarah. On the one hand, she was just venting and didn’t intend for Dani to see the email. But on the other, her actions have created a serious business issue. She seems to alternate between being upset that this happened and celebrating that Dani is gone.

Green responds:

How long did the problems with Dani go on, and how severe were they? If the problems were serious and had been allowed to drag on, there’s a point where it’s not reasonable to expect endless patience from her co-workers (particularly if “temperamental” means rude or difficult to deal with) and where you can’t in good conscience hold it against Sarah that she got fed up. If that was the case, you can have a conversation with her where you say you understand her frustration and acknowledge the situation was allowed to drag on for too long, but she also cannot send inflammatory emails like that to colleagues, nor can she “celebrate” that Dani is gone. But if management inaction is responsible for Sarah being pushed to this point, I wouldn’t do more than that, unless there’s a larger pattern with Sarah’s judgment.

On the other hand, if you addressed the problems quickly and were successfully minimizing the impact on Sarah and others, then it’s a more serious conversation about how to handle frustrations at work, why trash-talking a colleague in a work email isn’t OK, and your concerns about her discretion and judgment.

In many (even most) cases, just having a direct conversation with appropriate seriousness is what creates accountability and reinforces how you want people to operate, while still treating them like adults. (That said, if Sarah displays bad judgment a second time, you’d escalate the seriousness of your response; you don’t just have the same conversation over and over.)

2. Chronic nail biting in meetings

I recently hired someone who is a constant nail biter. I have been around nail biters previously, but I have never experienced it at this extreme level. It is constant and chronic. I am sure some of this behavior is subconscious and at other times it is a nervous habit.

It can be distracting in meetings because there are occasional noises. It is also not hygienic. The nail biting was not present during the interview process, which means the habit may be somewhat controllable. As this person’s manager, is this something I should address with them and, if so, how do I approach this sensitive subject?

Green responds:

Is it genuinely a problem? If it’s truly distracting in meetings or it’s making them look unprofessional in front of clients, then you can absolutely address it. But if it really comes down to “I think this is a mildly gross habit that people shouldn’t have, but it’s not really impacting anything at work,” leave it alone.

If there’s a real work reason to address it, though, then you could say, “It can be distracting when you bite your nails in meetings. I know that can be a hard habit to break, but I’m hoping you can work on controlling it during meetings.” (Do be aware, though, that it can be really tough for some people to stop this habit, and it might be more of a struggle than you’d imagine.)

3. My boss wants me to hire her friend

I am the hiring manager for a position I’m trying to fill. My boss is pressuring me to hire her friend. She has strong credentials, but she lives seven hours away from our organization and therefore wants to work remotely. I have reservations about all of this and have said so to my boss, but she keeps insisting that this person would be a powerhouse employee. I’ve told her that I realize she’s her friend and I’m sure she’s a strong performer, but I simply don’t feel her working remotely is the best setup. Privately, I’m not thrilled to hire her friend because I foresee favoritism or other issues coming into play. I am thinking about discussing this with the HR director, whom I have a good relationship with, but I feel like I would be snitching on my boss, which I really would rather not do.

Green responds:

Yes, it’s not a great idea to hire your boss’s friend, especially when your boss has already shown she’s willing to press you to change your decisions when her friend is involved. There’s too much risk she’ll undermine other decisions you make in regard to this person if you hire her.

Do you have the sort of relationship with your boss where you can be candid about that? Ideally, you’d say something like, “I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’d prefer to focus on other candidates. I want the person onsite because of XYZ. But to be transparent, I’d also be concerned about managing someone who’s a friend of my boss. I’d worry about the appearance of favoritism to others on the team or difficulties managing her when her original relationship is with you. I’ve heard too many horror stories about that dynamic! So my plan is to say no to Jane and focus on other candidates.” (If you have other strong candidates in the mix, mention that, too — “I’ve got several people I’m pretty excited about.”)

If you don’t feel comfortable saying that or don’t think she would react well or sense she’ll try to strong-arm you no matter what you say, then yes, talk to HR about your concerns. When you do, tell them you’re also worried about tension with your boss if she realizes you went to them; they should be able to help navigate that. (For example, they might suggest you say you sought hiring advice from them — which is appropriate and will be true — and this came up in the course of that conversation. That’s just bouncing ideas off HR in one of their areas of expertise.)

Want to submit a question of your own? Send it to alison@askamanager.org.