Many people are TAKERS, especially those who desperately want success.
They engage in relationships solely for what they can get out of those relationships. Put bluntly, these people are TRANSACTIONAL.
Everything in their life is a transaction, or an exchange.
Takers operate out of SCARCITY.
They don't TRULY give. Their giving only goes to a certain point. Moreover,they are only grateful when they get what they want. They undervalue what others give.
If the relationship isn't giving them what they want, there is no appreciation. The relationship ends.
Only Engage In Transformational Relationships(Because all transactional ones will end soon anyways)
"I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me."-- Anaïs Nin
When two givers come together, transformation can occur -- where the new WHOLE becomes infinitely more than the sum of its parts.
When a giver attempts to work with a taker, that relationship will only lastuntil the taker has what they want. Or, until the giver realizes what is truly happening.
According to research from Wharton professor, Adam Grant, givers are both the least and most successful types of people. Some people give to a fault. They give everything they've got and, most importantly, they give to the WRONG TYPES OF PEOPLE.
When you give to takers, the pie gets smaller and eventually becomes exhausted.
When you give to givers, the pie continually gets bigger and bigger.
Thus, being a giver isn't enough. You need to give to the right people if you want your success and relationships to last. Who you surround yourself with, and who you work with, really matters.
I've engaged in many business relationships over the past few years -- some with givers and some with takers.
Takers are very hard to spot in the beginning, because they are very manipulative and cunning.
Strategic Coach founder, Dan Sullivan, says he can spot a taker within 10 minutes of being with them. Takers are motivated by greed, not growth. You have to be really intuitive to spot the subtle cues.
I've decided that, to the extent I can, I'm no longer going to engage in long-term relationships with takers. I'm done with transactional relationships. I prefer relationships that lead to growth and transformation.
In order for these types of relationships to exist, you must be willing to face brutal truths. Transformational relationships are messy. If you trust someone, you'll be willing to engage in ideological conflict with that person. That conflict is NOT about the person, but rather, about moving past break through and toward clarity.
Conflict is rough.
Most people quit relationships when conflict arises.
You'll know someone is a giver when they genuinely help you without asking for anything in return. And they are truly, genuinely, happy for the success they help you have.
Those are the types of people you want to work with.
Givers also stay with you when you're at a low point. They stick with you through conflicts and challenges.
Don't Overvalue What You Contribute To Your Relationships While Undervaluing What Others Contribute (This is what basically everyone does)
"Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune."-- Carl G. Jung
Think about your relationships.
In most of those relationships, do you OVERVALUE or UNDERVALUE what you contribute?
Moreover, do you OVERVALUE or UNDERVALUE what others in the relationship contribute?
Usually, people overvalue what they contribute and undervalue what others contribute.
If you're a giver, you value and appreciate what others contribute. You're genuinely grateful. You don't take others for granted.
You don't KEEP SCORE in your relationships.
Work With People Who Are Craftsman, Not Salesman (But who also know how to market)
"Quality is not an act, it is a habit."-- Aristotle
"Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected."-- Steve Jobs
Similar to the points above, the quality of life you have (and the quality of the work you do) is based on who you spend your life with.
I've seen through multiple collaborations that most people have LOW STANDARDS for themselves and their work.
They procrastinate, then scramble to get things done last minute resulting in a lack of quality in the final product.
They're takers -- meaning they try to do AS LITTLE as possible rather than trying to do AS MUCH as possible.
How a person does anything is how they do everything. If they lack details in their work, they lack important details in the design of the other areas of their lives.
More recently, I've decided to work with people who are true craftsman and craftswomen. Yes, the process may be a little bit slower. But the final outcome is 10X or 100X better.
Things are less rushed.
Quality of life is better.
Quality of planning is more thorough.
Expectations of results are much higher.
Learning is much deeper.
There is less stress and feeling like an imposter.
When I say quality of life, I mean that in the literal sense. Working with people who expect a lot of themselves in their work, but also in the foods they eat, how they spend their time, who they spend their time with, the quality of products they buy, etc.
Far more attention to detail.
Far more passion for living.
For more GIVING to life and experiencing moments.
There are lots of people who are strictly SALESMAN, out there. These people are generally takers. They're really good at talking, but their life is a mess.
You want to work with people who are craftsman and professionals. Yet, these artists are also scientists and marketers. Their first priority is in doing brilliant work, but they aren't starving artists. They study the business-side as well, and also the strategy and marketing.
You can't be a one-trick pony.
You need to work with people who care about the success and reach of your work. And who will help you raise the expectations you have for yourself, for your work, and for the service you can do in the world.
According to Strategic Coach founder, Dan Sullivan, when two people come together who are living in their "unique ability," they can go 100X bigger in their goals.
As Stephen Covey explains in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
"Synergy is what happens when one plus one equals ten or a hundred or even a thousand! It's the profound result when two or more respectful human beings determine to go beyond their preconceived ideas to meet a great challenge."
Are you fighting silent battles?
Are you still trying to change their willpower?
Or, are you open to context and connection?
If you're ready, you'll surround yourself with other people who will help you go far beyond what you could ever do on your own. As Helen Keller said,"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." Similarly, Jim Rohn said,"Don't join an easy crowd; you won't grow. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high."