Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.

Aren't you just sick and tired of motivational sayings?

They veer from the vacuous to vapid.

They mean everything, until you realize they mean nothing at all.

Thankfully, there's the Twitter hashtag #DemotivationalSayings.

It's a glorious compendium of things that will help you leave the go-go world of business, if just for a moment, and allow you to stop-stop.

And even, perhaps, chuckle a little. A little black humor can relax you, if you let it.

So I thought I'd collate the best of these sayings before I couldn't find the motivation to collate them anymore.

1. Every corpse on Everest was once an EXTREMELY motivated person.

There's truth there. You just have to decide whether you're going to accept this truth.

2. Quitters never win, and winners never quit talking about how they won.

You know this is true. The truth will set you free. You just have to let it.

3. Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Unless they're Crocs, then they're obviously a Dork.

This is worth uttering, especially if you're a chef in a Mario Batali restaurant.

4. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. And probably 75 percent of those you do.

Great baseball hitters only hit .300. This is always worth remembering.

5. If life gives you lemons, don't worry, a simple operation can turn them into melons.

There's such a nobility in this.

6. There are plenty of fish in the sea. But you're a human. You can't date animals. So you need to be more attractive.

Almost Wittgensteinian.

7. You did not wake up today to be mediocre. You just are.

And just because you might be mediocre -- or society's definition of that -- it doesn't mean you can't be happy.

8. Wake up and spill the coffee.

This is so beautiful, so very human.

9. Do Something Today That Your Future Self Will Hate You For.

I understand that this is a regular mantra in the tech world.

10. A bird in the hand is worth absolutely nothing. Stop trying to catch birds, you idiot.

Sometimes, it's worth looking at the absolute reality of things.

11. If at first you don't succeed pay someone to do it for you.

No, this is not the Task Rabbit tagline.

12. If you never give up there is no limit to what you can fail at.

There's beautiful logic here. Very beautiful logic.

13. When one door closes, the next one slams in your face.

It's not always true, but it's worth preparing for it. Just in case.

14. Just Don't Do It.

Channeling Nancy Reagan is not necessarily a bad thing.

15. Nobody is perfect, so why bother even trying?

Take that, perfectionists.

16. There's no I in Team. There's also no YOU.

America is an individualistic society, after all.

17. Everyone wants to be a leader. Stand out, be a follower.

We're always being told to stand out by motivational speakers. Here's one way to do it.

18. What doesn't kill you leaves you in a weakened state for the next predator.

It's possible, isn't it?

19. Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Feel the peace of that darkness. Now rest, sleep and tomorrow will be a brighter day. Or not.

Published on: Sep 23, 2016
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