Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Dads dread Father's Day almost as much as you do.
They know you likely won't try hard enough to get them something they'll actually like.
Because if there's something you can both agree on, it's that you're frightfully self-centered.
It's worse if your dad loves business and is even the sort that's obsessed by it.
He wants results and he wants them now. Or yesterday. But definitely on Father's Day.
I want to help you. Despite your self-absorption, you seem like a decent sort.
So I've found 5 perfect gifts for the business-type dad. Please, none of that insincere Best Dad Ever nonsense.
And the best thing here is that you can surely order all of these things online.
I know how lazy you are.
1. The No, I Never Wanted Kids, But Mine Are OK, I Suppose T-Shirt.
Businesspeople appreciate realism. They can't stop talking about transparency. And they wish they didn't have to pretend all the time. Which rising star manager dad wouldn't appreciate this one?
2. A Gift Certificate For A Fancy Mani-Pedi.
Businessmen dads like to be on top of the details. Too many, though, are still unaware of their own detailed fingernail and toenail deficiencies. Help them appreciate the sheer joy of an exquisitely well-performed mani-pedi. This is your time to help your dad have beautiful cuticles and shine, as well as secretly improving the aesthetics of the house. Warning: You know you'll have to drag him there, don't you?
3. A No, I'm Not Going to Man The Grill. I'm Emancipated Hat.
We're in an era where gender equality at work is being rightly examined. Show your dad that you understand he might suffer unfair treatment at home.
4. A Gift Certificate to a Fine Tattoo Parlor.
Dads have heard that tats are increasingly de rigueur. But if your dad is a rising business star, you just know he wants to enjoy a little individuality and be down with the millennials. While at the same time not trying too hard. So encourage him to get a discreet little tattoo of something extraordinary, one that will only be revealed when he wears shorts on a corporate bonding day. But please, at all costs, dissuade him from an Elon Musk tat. Just no.
5. A Pair Of Shoes That You Know He'd Never, Ever Buy Himself. You Know, a Cool Pair.
Businesspeople claim that they love to be challenged. All too often, this is painful bunkum. It's blowhard bravado that only suggests they've been reading a self-help book penned by a thin-skinned preener. A totally out there (well, for your dad) pair of shoes is a wonderfully sneaky gift, because you'll learn a lot about him, as he learns a little about himself.