Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
In 2007, then-Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer laughed at the launch of the iPhone.
It's far too expensive, he said. Microsoft's phones are so much better, he said. Ho. Ho. Ho.
Do you know anyone who has a Microsoft phone now? If it's not an iPhone, it's likely to be something Android.
Since Google's software creation slipped onto many phones around the world, a certain rivalry has arisen.
Many iPhone users chuckle at Android users. In turn, Android-using Samsung decided to laugh at Apple fanboys and their unnatural obsession with standing in line just to get a fruit-forward phone.
For a while, it worked.
But as Apple celebrates its 40th birthday on April 1 and as the iPhone is almost 9, it's worth wondering why teens, for example, want an iPhone more than ever.
And why Android is still, well, so-so. Here are 9 reasons why iPhone still wins.
1. The iPhone Is Easy. Android Is Homework.
The beauty of Apple design is that you can pick up any of its products and teach yourself how to use it. Without thinking much. Humans love to not think much. The iPhone is intuitive, it's simple and the design is so tasteful that it sucks you in. An Android phone, on the other hand, is too often like a PC. You have to learn how the designer was thinking, as opposed to the designer learning how you think.
2. iOS Software Updates. Android Software Just Dates.
Yes, Apple's software can sometimes be buggy. But when there's new software available, everyone can get it with a simple download. Compare this with Android. Its new software, Marshmallow was officially launched last October. Guess how many Android phones now have it? 2.3 percent. This drives many Android users demented. Sometimes, it just drives them to buy an iPhone.
3. The Genius Factor.
Many people thought Steve Jobs quite lunatic for opening stores in shopping malls. But Apple thinks hard about people and their needs. One of those needs is to have someone on hand -- other than a pot-addled nephew, that is -- who can fix the phone if it goes wrong. Geniuses (who may be someone's pot-addled nephews) may not always be geniuses, but if you make an appointment, there's an excellent chance that they can set you right. Before you toss the phone at the wall, that is.
4. It Works With Your Mac, Doesn't It?
Your MacBook can do things for your iPhone -- like send texts. Your phone plugs into your Mac effortlessly, which connects just as effortlessly to your cloud. It just works. With Android, you need to juggle third-party apps and all sorts of other annoying elements. Google didn't think it needed to create a hardware-software ecosystem. It wasn't quite right about that.
5. iPhone Has No Bloatware.
You get an iPhone. You turn it on. You have a few Apple apps. The rest is up to you. Not so with an Android phone. You get all sorts of nonsense apps that clutter your screen and your life. You even get the carrier's apps, the ones you so, so desperately crave. And then it's your job to either try to uninstall them (which, in some cases, isn't allowed) or find a pot-addled nephew to delete them in some less than optimum (or less than legal) way.
6. Developers Would Rather Make Apps For iPhone.
The apps you want are far more likely to be on the iPhone first. Many developers prefer iPhone. (It's easier, remember.) It's one of those things that became self-fulfilling. iPhones are cooler, so developers want to design for the cool platform first. The situation is changing slowly. However, even updates to apps are far more likely to happen first on your iPhone.
7. iPhone Is Consistent. Android Is All Over The Place.
By controlling the number of different phones it releases, Apple creates a consistent design, with consistent operating principles and consistent performance (mostly). Android phones are so different from each other that Google has now, lamentably late, begun to advertise Android by saying: "Be Together, Not The Same." However, there is no real togetherness among Android phones. There are just too many of them and they're all of such differing quality.
8. iPhone Is More Secure.
The recent battle between Apple and the FBI shows that Apple believes privacy and security are fundamental to the Apple brand. Apple is increasing the depth of its encryption. Android is behind on this. We've all become so lax about our security, as we desperately click "I agree" on things we really shouldn't agree to, that we just hope for the best if we think about it at all. Perhaps we still don't care enough. But with ever more personal information on our phones than ever, Apple is showing that security matters.
9. The Feeling. Just The Feeling.
Samsung has made great progress, especially with its Galaxy S7 Edge. The attention to detail, however, both in hardware and software is still edged by Apple. Apple's progress has undoubtedly slowed. Its phones are in danger of seeming samey. But the whole Apple ecosystem, once it has you in its grasp, is hard to leave. You've had those sort of relationships, haven't you? They lasted years, didn't they?