Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
The scars have likely not healed.
You eye-specialist and your mental health professional likely offered you specific courses of treatment.
Yet it seems only moments ago that the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino was here, a garish, painful reminder of legendary times.
Now, just as you're trying to calm yourself, along comes Arby's with something even, well, more wildly pointless.
It's called the Liger Shake. Well, of course it is.
A liger is the result of a beautiful union between a male lion and a female tiger. It's a sort of Kanye West meets Kim Kardashian of the animal species.
Arby's told me that it "loves real, powerful creatures."
So here's a really powerful statement of how far our civilization has sunk.
This Liger Shake is "a cross between the brand's Ultimate Chocolate Shake -- made with premium Ghirardelli chocolate -- and Orange Cream Shake, resulting in a handsome, liger-like blend of colorful stripes that is bursting with rich, sweet flavors."
Or, depending on your perspective, it's a cross between some dull, tangerine-colored goo that reminds you of tasteless bathrooms in the 'burbs, that awful whipped cream nonsense that tastes as real as a politician's grin and some chocolate stripes that you sincerely hope are actually stripes made of chocolate.
You'll wonder how long this thing will invade your mind and that of young ones around you.
It's only available in June.
In July, Arby's is releasing the Mousephant Shake.
This is the perfect melding of the large and the small, the lovable, roaming pachyderm and the cheese-eating rodent. It will be made from bits of old elephant tusks and dead mice donated by Arby's customers.
Of course I am. Until it happens.