Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
People ask me on planes: "Why are you so obsessed with Starbucks?"
Well, when I say people, I mean my girlfriend. Once. On a very long flight.
The answer is simple. Starbucks has become a haven for the harassed, those who have neither the time nor the patience to make their own breakfast and hope that their mornings will start well before deteriorating rapidly at work.
It's like church for the hungry and hungover.
Starbucks tries to play its part. Some days are better than others. When my local Starbucks has the second team on duty -- no Kurshina and Marie at the helm -- let's just say it isn't quite the same.
One thing the coffee chain is clearly attempting, though, is to make your mornings a little more classy.
Yes, it's a lead-in to start charging you 10 bucks for an allegedly shmancy coffee.
But it's also an attempt to stop you from dying too soon. The coffee chain is trying to serve (slightly) healthier food.
Its latest attempt is very Top Chef.
If you've ever watched this show, it had a phase in which a chef called Richard Blais -- now one of the judges -- would Sous Vide everything.
I think he once even Sous Vided an elephant, but please don't quote me on that.
Should you be unfamiliar with this technique, you stick things in a vacuum-sealed plastic bag, cook it in water at a consistent temperature and then it comes out all soft and lovely.
Yes, just how you wish you'd feel after going to Starbucks.
Perhaps that's why Seattle's most supple has introduced Sous Vide Egg Bites.
It's like McDonald's introducing Coq Au Vin. Or Wendy's offering Steak Au Poivre.
These egg bites are topped with delights such as Gruyère, Monterey Jack and Bacon. You can get an Egg White and Roasted Red Pepper version too.
Please imagine how much healthier and fancier you'll feel as you saunter to work. As Starbucks's brand manager Eveline Chao-Rivera put it: "People are more conscious of what they are eating. Many are skipping out on bread and focusing on nutritious protein."
And most just want to believe they've risen above the masses.
Now then, Starbucks, about your miserable, lifeless croissants.