Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Companies are people too.
Except when it comes to having a heart.
Once they don't need you anymore, they cancel your key card and send you on your way.
Burger King has decided to take a different approach.
The company just announced that it's offering an exalted level of severance to anyone who just got fired: A free Whopper Sandwich.
Isn't that flaming thoughtful?
Wait, though. Companies are rarely thoughtful. Not unless they want something in return.
Here, then, there is the catch.
"You must publicly confess to getting canned on LinkedIn. That's right: own your fire!," says Burger King.
There's worse. Not only do you have to confess to being canned, you have to use specific wording on your precious LinkedIn page.
Your confession must read: "I got fired. I want a free Whopper. #WhopperSeverance."
Some might think Burger King's brains got severed from its head. This is arrant cruelty, surely.
No, no. It's just Burger King's humor.
The smaller print explains that once you post, you get a link. And then: "Those who post will receive a personalized link to get registered and receive a Whopper Severance package in the mail complete with a Burger King restaurant gift card."
You see, the greatest joy of this wheeze is that you don't really have to get fired.
You don't even have to buy anything at Burger King to enter. It's just a promotion, one in which LinkedIn plays absolutely no part.
Now, of course your ego is sensitive. You'll be worried that your friends and business contacts will think you've really been fired.
In which case, you should worry about the mental acuity of your friends and business contacts.
If they're taken in by you posting that you want a free Whopper for being fired, they are, perhaps, a few flames short of a grill.
You might conclude, therefore, that this Whopper Severance thing is just another silly Burger King promotion.
But, wait. The burger chain wants to show its sensitivity.
"Because getting fired can be difficult, Burger King restaurants have partnered with the career satisfaction experts at The Muse to offer 30-minute one-on-one Q+A sessions to the first 100 participants who post and register."
I wonder how many of these career satisfaction experts will suggest that participants should go and work in Burger King's marketing department.