Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Every day for the last decade, you've woken up and wished for this.
Your life hasn't been the same without it.
You've gained weight. You've begun to sag in too many of the wrong places -- including your psyche.
Your longing has always been met with a silence that would frighten the dead.
And all the previous words are complete balderdash, but for a vocal few.
Yet Burger King needs to create excitement wherever it can.
So it's bringing back that one thing that you'd entirely forgotten: Surge.
Still doesn't mean anything?
For a very brief moment, this citrusy drink was Coca-Cola's answer to Pepsi's Mountain Dew.
It was the sort of answer that begged the question: "Was there even a question?"
Surge did everything but, well, surge.
It disappeared at a moment few remember because few truly cared.
Now, though, you must crave it because Burger King and Coca-Cola say so.
In order to make you crave it just that bit more, Surge will only be available in Burger Kings blessed with a Coca-Cola Freestyle machine.
This is, though, a very important development. I know this because Surge now has its own Twitter account.
It already has more than 25,000 followers. It only needs another 535,000 to equal Mountain Dew's.
I feel sure, though, that Surge's Twitter account will enjoy insightful observations about the issues of the day such as: Why does anyone drink these sickly, sweet carbonated monstrosities?
Will Do the Dew suddenly be challenged by Urge the Surge?
Will Democrats suddenly adopt the returning product as a symbol of their own alleged renaissance?
Or will this little spurt of marketing be forgotten with the few months that Surge will be on offer at select Burger King locations?
"The popularity of SURGE has stood the test of time, and the overwhelming demand from fans drove our decision to bring it back," claimed Coca-Cola's director of citrus brands, for North America Bobby Oliver.
In 2015, that is.
For a brief moment that year, Surge returned in frozen form. Yes, at Burger King. And yes, despite its popularity standing the test of time, it disappeared again.
Please, then, enjoy it while it lasts in the land of the Whopper. If you are a diehard Surgist, may you attain your Nirvana.
Even if you have to eat a Whopper and fries in the process.