Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Americans will do anything to get something for nothing.
That's just the way it is.
This is the Land of the Free. And if you're offering something for free, we'll land on any sort of absurd behavior to get it.
Or will we?
Chick-fil-A is giving away free chicken today. Why would it do that? Is it Let's Oppose Gay Marriage All Over Again Day? No, it isn't.
It's Cow Appreciation Day.
So, to get your gloriously free chicken-whatever, Chick-fil-A wants you to do something very simple: Dress like a cow.
I know, I know -- that's the not simplest of Halloween outfits, is it?
There aren't that many two-legged cows around, so you might have to share your free food with a friend. Perhaps you should choose a vegan friend and bribe her with a little lettuce or something.
Chick-fil-A is, though, being unusually lenient when it comes to your cow outfits. It says you can "make or buy your cow costume (or any sort of cow apparel, really)."
And for this you get a free entrée.
I wasn't aware that fast-food joints now embraced posh words like entrée. I blame McDonald's, which is desperately thrusting itself toward poshness by offering even --gasp -- knives and forks.
This is actually the 13th Cow Appreciation Day. I feel ashamed to have missed the first 12.
The event is held in honor of the cows that have formed such a central part of Chick-fil-A's advertising for so long.
They're poor spellers, but excellent sellers.
Indeed, the Chick-fil-A cows offered this tagline for today: "Dress like me. Git chikin free."
I wanted to rush and find myself some cow garb, to get this precious dose of free.
Sadly, I just Googled the location of my nearest Chick-fil-A. It's 19.3 miles from here.
No, that's too far to travel while looking ridiculous. Even if there's free at the end of the rainbow.