Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
I always thought that money people always knew everything about anyone who might be making money,
After all, money people just can't get enough money. It's their very basis as people.
I was a little taken aback, therefore, when I read this statement:
Goldman Sachs has initiated coverage of the restaurant sector.
Have these most famed of money people suddenly considered there might be money in food?
Or has the mere idea of stooping to consider the likes of McDonald's and Wendy's simply been beneath the great bankers, who surely dine only at exalted establishments, even at their desks?
You must decide.
While you do, may I tell you that the results of Goldman's restaurant initiation make for edifying reading.
Why, the bankers are terribly excited about Chipotle, which has apparently been doing a fine job of moving its customers to digital ways, while not make them feel ill.
They're also throbbing at the very idea of Chick-fil-A.
They describe it as having "the most momentum across quick-service restaurants."
Goldman offers that the holy of fried chicken holies enjoys more than twice the Average Unit Volumes of McDonald's.
It also cautions that investors should consider twice -- or more times -- before placing their money between the buns of any fast-food chain that might be threatened by Chick-fil-A.
This, it seems, includes Wendy's, Jack In The Box, Popeye's and, oh, KFC.
I'm sure that the colonel's loyalists will offer sibilant gasps at the mere idea of switching from their chosen brand to Chick-fil-A.
Yet as the latter begins to extend its flock-seeking across America with ever-greater verve, one can imagine that those chains that look a touch tired or predictable may endure the quaking of executive knees.
Chick-fil-A's Average Unit Volumes are more than three times those of KFC.
Moreover, Goldman does offer a pungent kink as to Chick-fil-A's success.
It manages to achieve its extraordinary results despite being open only six days a week.
Some might insist that the somewhat hideous anti-LGBT views many attribute to Chick-fil-A will ultimately hold the chain back, as will trying to maintain its quality while expanding.
It's surely harder, though, for the likes of KFC -- part of the very large Yum! Brands -- to make itself constantly feel fresh in the face of something new to many and, to many tastes, delicious.
Then again, I suspect KFC has at least done some things right.
Why, the ad business is rumbling with rumors that McDonald's is looking to hire ad agency Wieden and Kennedy.
Those are the people behind those slightly bonkers KFC ads.
I can just see a twisted new Ronald McDonald emerging from the ashes.
Yes, even more twisted than before.