Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Can pizza really make a significant difference in our lives?
Other than to make us bigger, that is?
Domino's believes it can.
The company's marketing department has taken a look at America's infrastructure and said to itself: "Who can do something about this? Why, we're used to filling holes in our customers' entrails. It should clearly be us."
And so it's launched something called Paving for Pizza.
No, the idea isn't to get prisoners to pave roads and pay them in pizza. Thankfully.
Instead, Domino's insists that imperfect infrastructure is affecting its business, and it has a solution:
Potholes, cracks, and bumps in the road can cause irreversible damage to your pizza during the drive home from Domino's. We can't stand by and let your cheese slide to one side, your toppings get un-topped, or your boxes get flipped. So we're helping to pave in towns across the country to save your good pizza from these bad roads.
How is this all going to work, though? Won't the local council get upset that someone's doing something? Domino's director of public relations, Jenny Fouracre, told me:
We are providing grants to municipalities that we end up working with and they will use their crews to do the repairs with the funds we supply. All municipalities will receive the same amount. And yes, we have to find municipal entities that are willing to work with us on this program, including any permission they may need to accept the grant.
It really is, though, remarkable that pizza can be the reason for fixing our nation, when, say, the mere improvement of humanity offers no reason at all.
Still, the way this works is that you nominate your town and Domino's will decide whether it's worthy of being filled in.
The pizza chain says it's already performed drastic surgery in places as disparate as Bartonville, Texas, Milford, Delaware, Athens, Georgia, and Burbank, California.
My, what pride there must be in smoothing the path for a Hollywood producer.
Yes, of course this is marketing, and who knows how many towns Domino's will ultimately end up helping.
"We are not disclosing our spend on this program," Fouracre said.
But civic spirit is hanging by a gooey bit of melted cheese right now, one that's getting thinner and thinner the more it stretches.
It used to take a village. Now, it seems to take a corporation.
Perhaps we should therefore be grateful that someone still cares enough -- and is prepared to spend the money -- to make our little lives very slightly better.
Even if it's a sign of our grim and prosperous times.