Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek. 

You heard the headline, surely.

Google is giving you privacy. 

Lots of privacy. Privacy here, there, and everywhere.

You're free. Rejoice. Leap in the air.

And when you're back on Earth, please lie down here on my purple chaise-longue.

We need to talk. 

Firstly, let's talk about Google.

It needs to know everything about you because, as my colleague Bill Murphy Jr. reported, it's after as much of the advertising industry as it can swallow whole.

However, Google also needs to look as if it's doing something about privacy, because privacy is the new big thing.

Everyone's talking about it and Google is finding itself the subject of more and more lawsuits, as it emerges that the company keeps on tracking you whether you want it to or not.

So what has Google really done with this privacy effort?

Yes, it's introduced more privacy and security controls which, in the latest version of Android, might even amount to 50 elements for you to toggle away at.

And that is the wicked psychological point.

Google is posing to regulators by doing this.

It's also putting it entirely in users' hands to work out how all these controls work and what they all mean.

Because it knows the vast majority of users just don't and won't do it.

Google CEO Sundar Pichai insists this is all about giving people choice.

What it's actually about is saying to users: "You want privacy? Knock yourself out and see if you can wade through all this privacy stuff. Even our incredibly brainy engineers would struggle."

Dieter Bohn​, executive editor of The Vergeput it quite elegantly

Google: our advanced AI algorithms can predict what car you want to rent and then fill out the web form for you. It knows what you want and just does it.

Us: Cool I want privacy.

Google: you got it here are 500 opaque settings across 25 disparate apps and web pages.

Google is inviting people to be full-time monitors of what Google may or may not be spying on.

It's making sure this is far too much work, however simple it claims its toggles are.

Of course this is all our fault.

From the very beginning, we bathed in tech companies' free services and gave our personal data away without a thought.

We clicked on I Agree even more often than we clicked on Katy Perry.

We're only now realizing (a little) what that might have meant.

However, we're all far too embedded in the systems created by the likes of Google and Facebook to change our ways.

They're designed to keep us so enmeshed that we'll never be able to see private daylight again.

What Google is really doing it making it very difficult, even for those who really want to make a change.

Of course, it's being quite private about that.

Published on: May 12, 2019
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.