Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Can you wait?
In fact, IWILL.
Because, when it comes down to it, IDONTREALLYCAREMUCH.
And, well, IKNOW.
No, of course I don't know officially. But really, how many options can there be?
I'm sorry, you may have no IDEA what I'm talking about.
Well, IHOP, the artist formerly known as the International House of Pancakes, says it's changing its name to IHOb.
This will allegedly happen next Monday.
Naturally, this splendored event is being marketed. You're supposed to be fascinated as to what the b at the end will stand for.
Shall we play, then?
How likely is it that IHOb will stand for International House of Broccoli?
Don't answer that.
So what else could it be? International House of Bacon? Now that would be tempting, wouldn't it?
A whole casual restaurant dedicated to the porcine arts.
Somehow, though, I don't quite see it.
How about International House of Blight? International House of Billiards? International House of Badgers?
International House of Basketball might be fun.
How about International House of Burgers? Where they'll serve you delicacies such as the Emu Burger and the Kangaroo Burger?
I have my doubts.
You know it's going to be International House of Breakfast, don't you?
There will be big pronouncements about how research has shown too many people think IHOP is all about pancakes, when there's so much more.
Like, um, the avocado and bacon wrap.
There are already clues that the b will be for breakfast.
On Twitter, someone suggested it and IHOP offered an attempt at coy.
You'll just have to wait and see what it could b!-- IHOP (@IHOP) June 5, 2018
Oh, b dazzling.
Even Wikipedia tosses a thinly veiled clue:
IHOP, officially known as the International House of Pancakes, is an American multinational pancake house/diner-style table service restaurant chain that specializes in breakfast foods.
See? Breakfast foods.
I regret to say that some of the Twittered suggestions aren't fit for print. Not even in the New York Times.
And of course, this could all be a marketing stunt, one that will be even more painful than an actual name change and make everyone feel even more indifferent toward IHOP.
It isn't, after all, an exciting brand. Its owner, Dine Brands Global, announced in February that it would close 30 to 40 more IHOPs. 23 were closed last year.
Indeed, some have suggested that this is all just a promotion to sell flipped pancakes.
Perhaps, though, the IHOb name will show that Dine Brands Global -- which also owns Applebee's -- is going for broke.
No, I don't mean that it will now be called International House of Bankrupt.
I'm thinking that it will startle everyone with a radical change in direction.
International House of Bibimbap, anyone?