Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek. 

These days, many companies are promising personalization.

After all, they're spending lots of money buying all your personal details from the likes of Facebook and Google, so they might as well at least pretend to offer something personal.

There's personal though, and there's very personal.

And IKEA's latest attempt to really feel you drifts toward the latter.

It might be described as the marketing equivalent of go big or go home.

Or, perhaps, go home and go big.

You see, the Swedish retailer has decided to create its own version of the Kama Sutra.

Should you be unfamiliar with this great work.. no, I'm not going to finish that sentence.

If you're unfamiliar with the Kama Sutra, you're not a sentient being.

Still, here IKEA has created an oeuvre that promises enormous benefits.

Why, its ad launching this work begins with these provocative words: 

Are you getting enough satisfaction in your bedroom? If you want more, there's no shame in that.

Yes, they went there. All the way there.

They didn't return, either.

IKEA promises to help you achieve "the highest level of fulfillment."

Of course it does.

IKEA assures you that many people experience "powerful feelings of ecstasy" as they combine one its duvet covers with pieces of its hardwood.

Please, did you have to go there already?

We're talking here about the serious and magical combination of the BJORKSNAS with the PUDERVIVA.

Surely you remember those terms from the original.

Well, now they're the names of IKEA products, too. 

Then there's the LANDSKRONA leather sofa. It moves you from work to play.

It has room for three people, you see.

I fear this isn't going to be enjoyed by fundamentalists, whose first syllable always seems out of place to me.

I imagine that, by now, you've got the idea.

So I won't bother to mention that there's a section called Doggy Style.

Oh, for goodness sake. Of course it's the combination of a human's bed and a pet cushion.

Many will, quite naturally, revel in this playfulness and even be tempted to go to their nearest IKEA for a little experimentation.

There is, though, another aspect. 

When you begin to realize you've lost your allure, you might be tempted to try too hard.

Is that, perhaps, what IKEA has done here?

Published on: Mar 4, 2019
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.