Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
The new mood lighting will make you feel so good.
The overhead bins will have 40 percent more space.
As you walk onto the plane, there will be more "wow."
I wanted to offer you warm feelings before numbing you.
JetBlue, the airline that always seems like it has more legroom, is actually going to give you less.
Because everyone else is doing it. And, well, think of the money.
As Bloomberg reports, the airline is densifying its planes and these planes are now wafting into service. The announcement was made a while ago, but it's only when it becomes real that people begin to notice.
Densification is an allegedly nice word that means shove more seats inside. 12 more seats on every plane will equate to $100 million. Even JetBlue is fond of lucre.
Mind you, the airline will still claim it has the most legroom, because the other airlines are getting even more cramped.
Yes, JetBlue's 32-inch seat pitch will mean that it has the most legroom when you look at all the planes in all competing airlines and average the legroom out.
Still, the airline hasn't yet attempted to mimic one of the great marketing lines of all time, offered not too long ago by an American Airlines executive.
Speaking of the airline's own densification, he offered: "These seats are designed to make efficient use of the space available and feel more spacious, so a 30-inch pitch will feel more like today's 31 inches."
You see, it's all about how you feel.
"Our E190 fleet has always had 32 inches of pitch," a JetBlue spokesman told me, "and our new A321s that we have put in into the fleet in the last 3-4 years also have 32-33 inches of pitch, and the customer satisfaction scores on those aircraft are actually higher than our old A320 cabins."
I pause for your satisfied cheers.
Oh, passengers are used to being squeezed, whether it's financially or physically. They can get used to it very easily.
What's another inch here and there? Especially when you will get a bigger TV screen to ease your pain.
Remember, when you get on the newer JetBlue planes, you'll feel an instant "wow."
Then you'll find your seat and just might mutter: "Wow, this isn't as spacious as I remember it."