Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.

If I say the letters KFC to you, what do they conjure?

Greasy chicken you'll only eat when you're desperate?

Big buckets of food your family will only eat when they're desperate?

Or a very slightly creepy colonel who has somehow become the spokesman for the brand?

I fear, like Burger King, KFC likes to play on the creepiness a little. That approach appeals to younger sorts.

Until now.

In a volte-face that borders on the sublime, the famed chicken brand has set about its computers and created a colonel who's an Instagram influencer.

A virtual Instagram influencer. He's a complete figment of a computer program.

And yes, he's still a little creepy.

But as a commentary on Instagram influencers who pose vacuously while their millions of followers wish they could pose vacuously, it's sublime.

Here, for example, is the colonel in existential thought.

And here he is in more existential thought.


A post shared by Colonel Harland Sanders (@kfc) on Apr 8, 2019 at 9:07am PDT

And here he is being a self-proclaimed modest mogul.

I may be a restaurant mogul and international inspiration, but I'm still just a kid who loves being in the kitchen. #humble It's important never to lose sight of the things that make you who you are. For me, it's being in the kitchen and making amazing fried chicken. That's what got me here, and I never want to lose that young and hungry Colonel who spent all his time perfecting fried chicken. I'm still that kid who straps on an apron and makes fried chicken. And I'll never lose that part of me. Never lose the things that make you who you are. This is part of my #secretrecipeforsuccess. #candid #candidkitchen #colonelskitchen #humble #friedchicken #advice #success #entrepreneur #behindthecurtain #keys #respect #inspiration #positive #positivethoughts #artistatwork #majorkey #cookingram #cooking

A post shared by Colonel Harland Sanders (@kfc) on Apr 9, 2019 at 1:05pm PDT

Personally, I'm enchanted by the influencer nonsense that he's able to utter with such authenticity. Sample: 

It's important never to lose sight of the things that make you who you are.

Isn't that something I read from an influencer who may not be as good academically as was first thought?

This is knowing communication targeted at precisely those upon whom KFC depends for its future.

No longer are you laughing at the slightly creepy old man. 

You're laughing with the slightly creepy young man.

Indeed, such has been the impact of this marvelous statement on the dolefulness of life that there are already many social media posts -- some a touch on the graphic side -- that confess carnal desires toward the Virtual Influencer.

I can't wait to see some video of this symbol of our age actively being the symbol of our age.

This could fill the chasm that Veep is about to leave. 

Published on: Apr 11, 2019
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.