Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
We might not all agree about what's happening in the world right now.
There are problems in every corner, worries around every table.
Yet one company has stepped forward to reveal that it's prepared to focus on the one thing that the world worries about most.
No, it's not the creeping march of authoritarianism. It's not the rampant canter of inequality, either.
Instead, it's the one issue that has captured the hearts, minds, and bodies of so many.
Indeed, while lesser TV channels were mulling investigations and indictments on Monday, at least one was focused in the right place and asking the right question.
Where should the cheese be placed on a burger emoji?
It seems that while Apple places it at the top of its emoji, Google drops it to the bottom.
What symbolism is this? What does it mean?
I think we need to have a discussion about how Google's burger emoji is placing the cheese underneath the burger, while Apple puts it on top pic.twitter.com/PgXmCkY3Yc-- Thomas Baekdal (@baekdal) October 28, 2017
Does it suggest Apple is supportive of our cheese industry, while Google wishes it would dribble away to the ground?
Worse, look at what Google has placed at the top of its burger. Not the tomato, but the lettuce.
Another genuflection toward the green agenda?
Many companies would have ignored the controversy. Many would have condemned it as frivolous.
Not Google. Its CEO, Sundar Pichai, promised immediate action.
Will drop everything else we are doing and address on Monday:) if folks can agree on the correct way to do this! https://t.co/dXRuZnX1Ag-- Sundar Pichai (@sundarpichai) October 29, 2017
Isn't that what everyone wants from their leadership? A swift response and an appeal to democracy.
When your company is prepared to drop everything to attend to the people's needs, it is surely the company that you hope will dominate your life.
Until, that is, you become half-human, half-metal.
Some, though, feared that the Google method revealed the company's true emotional tendencies.
Cheese misplacement is clearly the result of not enough diversity on the emoji team. Damn those vegetarians.-- Jessica Guynn (@jguynn) October 29, 2017
Such fears are understandable.
Who, though, doesn't look forward to the day when Google finally makes the definitive pronouncement about cheese placement in a burger?
Once it does, we should immediately lobby for statues to be put up in the company's honor.
It committed itself to us wholeheartedly, in the face of much opposition.
Now, Google, should privacy go at the top or the bottom?