Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
It's a new year, but the dictionary hasn't been updated much.
Sure, there are a few emojis to clutch onto, but at heart you're at the mercy of the English language yet again.
This can prove especially difficult when you have a résumé to write.
So LinkedIn thought it would offer you a new list of the 10 most overused résumé buzzwords.
Each time someone writes their résumé, they think they're being original. Or, perhaps, they're merely writing what they think HR directors (or their software) want to hear.
So here are the latest words to avoid.
Yes, because anyone who doesn't write this word is merely looking for a job to fund their pot habit. Of course you're motivated. You've just sent out your résumé.
Indeed you are. Because every creative person on earth has "creative" on their business card. That only happens in advertising. Which isn't very creative.
I would rather leap at a résumé that actually had "bit of a miserable sod" as a self-description. It would at least show self-awareness. Of course you're enthusiastic. For the first month of your new job, at least.
4. Track Record
Otherwise known as Broken Record. These are the people who boast that they've been there and done that. Well, if you've already been there, why do you want to come here? To do the same boring job all over again?
Your job and you are like frisky lovers. You can never get enough of each other. You think about each other all the time. There's never a dull day. Till the divorce, that is.
Wouldn't it be lovely to read a résumé that began: "Under-appreciated, frustrated executive looking for a home." Instead people write: "I'm great." Oh.
This one drives me crazy. The only way to succeed is apparently to be obsessed and to express your obsession at every turn. Because business is a race. Or something.
You'd hate anyone to think you're a follower, wouldn't you? So you must be a leader then. Even if the only leadership jobs you've had so far are leading one student march and a few fellow workers to a new lunch spot.
You're not a functionary. You're strategic. You strategize day and night. About what, exactly? Is this some fancy word for saying you have a brain that works?
10. Extensive experience
I learned this very young: Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Why don't you just write: "Been around. Still not happy."
What's truly fascinating about this list is how many of these buzzwords appeared in last year's LinkedIn list. Motivated, passionate, creative, driven, extensive experience, strategic, and track record were all there.
I think we have a résumé crisis.
We need to be passionate, creative, and think strategically about this. We should use our track record and our extensive experience to give guidance.
This is going to take leadership. Successful, motivated leadership.