Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
They stay together just for the kids.
Those kids, sometimes known as products, bring them both bonuses. So, despite this horribly imperfect marriage, they try to make things work.
While each telling their friends how much they hate the other.
I'm driven to this Valentine's Day massacre of love by research that's landed before me and refuses to leave my house.
These rose-tinted researchers thought they'd ask 1,000 U.S. marketing and sales professionals about their relationships. With each other, that is.
It's hard not to conclude these are marriages made in purgatory.
A startlingly naive 38 percent of the marketing professionals claimed that there is perfect synergy between them and their sales people.
(I pause for you to clean your screen after guffawing a little too vigorously.)
And, of course, 38 percent of salespeople agreed.
Well, no. A mere 27 percent of salespeople agreed.
The researchers were undeterred. They dug into their psychological training and asked the deeper questions.
Or, at least, one of them.
What, they asked, is the number one source of tension in the relationship?
58 percent of salespeople said that marketing people are full of the most painful, airy-fairy, claptrappy bilge.
Wait, no. Not quite. Those 58 percent said the biggest problem was that marketing people look to the future, while salespeople live in the now.
Oddly, a mere 33 percent of marketing people agreed with this. Which might suggest they're full of the most painful, airy-fairy, claptrappy bilge.
At this stage, you might be wondering who sponsored this research.
It's a company called Conversica. It believes that "Artificial Intelligence Will Help You Find Your Next Customer."
It'll surely help you find your next lover too.
Oh, you can just imagine what these AI people have in mind.
They foresee a glorious day when AI brings marketing and sales together in the most glorious marriage, of which even Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson will be jealous.
I have some chilly news for these techy types. They ought to look at their own research.
The marketing/sales relationship is full of insidious passive aggression.
Why, 25 percent of marketing professionals say marketers are strategic, while salespeople suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder.
It's not going to end well, is it?