Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek. 

There's always a little anarchy in fast food.

You see big brand names everywhere, yet the occasional upstart does come along to upset things with a snarl or a sudden attack of relative subtlety.

What, then, will McDonald's, Burger King, KFC and their ilk make of a new chain that suddenly announced its entry into the big time?

This isn't some organic proselytizer ready to storm the fast food world with its sanctimoniousness.

Instead, this is a chicken strips chain with 22 sauces and, are you ready for this, hundreds of thousands -- or even millions -- of dipping combinations.

Even more edifying is the big name behind it.

No, it's not Donald Trump. Though who wouldn't want to try -- at least once -- Trump Fried Chicken?

Or perhaps, in a fit of modesty, he might call the chain Trumps' Great Old Poultry. Trump's GOP for short.

This new chain, though, is a name almost as big and definitely as fiery as the president.

It's renowned culinary personality Guy Fieri.

Last year, he and Planet Hollywood creator Robert Earl opened a Chicken Guy! -- yes, it has a point of exclamation just like Yahoo! -- at Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando.

From Orlando, a chain is now blooming. 

Next, it'll be Miami. After that, it could be the world.

What, I hear you cry, is so special about Chicken Guy!'s food?

It's, um, "a chicken concept you've never seen before."

Could it have live chickens running around the restaurants? That would be original.

Or perhaps this might be the first boiled chicken fast-food concept.

Alas, no.

The Chicken Guy! is "a fantastic chicken tender."

Ah. Oh.

But wait.

This chicken tender is fried or grilled, never frozen, antibiotic-free, brined and hand-breaded. Or it could be pan-breaded (I still can't quite catch which).

In any case, the real glory lies in the sauces. All 22 of them.

Everything from Donkey Sauce to Peri Peri, Wasabi Honey to, um, Nashville Hot Honey.

I can feel your heart already quickening.

Please let it pulsate while I tell you that the Chicken Guy!'s website claims there are 407,560,8180 sauce combinations.

Yes, I've quoted that number correctly.

I don't even know what it means. Are the commas in the right place? Who cares? This is Guy Fieri and lots of people adore Guy Fieri.

I know that the snooties among you only know him as the subject of perhaps the most scathing New York Times culinary review of the century.

Sample paragraph: 

Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?

But Guy Fieri is, for a lot of people, the guy. The big guy. The big guy you'd like at your party.

You'll be imagining that McDonald's, KFC and the like won't dribble any sauce at the prospect of this new Big Guy's arrival.

Hark, though, Fieri's words: 

We want to be the best in the chicken business.

Never forget, you see, that there are many, many people in the world craving something different. But not too different.

They want to be part of a crowd, but a slightly different crowd. And they want to feel that they're being understood.

Fieri appeals to these types with his man-of-the-people, Lamborghini-driving brand image.

Look, I only know about the Lamborghini -- bright yellow, of course -- because it was stolen not far from my house and taken for a joyride.

By a 16-year-old.

How long, then, before hordes clamor for a trip to Chicken Guy!? (The name does make punctuation awkward.)

How long before McDonald's decides that it, too, will offer 22 different dipping sauces?

Still, to whom do you relate more? Ronald McDonald, creepy old Colonel Sanders, the even creepier King of Burger King or Guy Fieri?

This could be a tough choice.

Published on: Mar 5, 2019
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.