Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
We're in a fast food phase that seems like a zero-sum game.
As McDonald's reduces its prices to almost zero with its Dollar Menu, so competitors follow it down the hatch.
Where one or two might get swallowed.
It's uplifting, then, that one particular McDonald's is reaching for the gourmet stars.
A McDonald's restaurant in Newcastle, northern England is offering a three-course meal of what it calls "McValentine's Perfection."
Will this really be Chicken Truffle McNuggets, followed by a Foie Gras Big Mac and gold-encrusted ice-cream, I hear you whisper in a sexy voice?
Will you be offered a soft-drink sommelier to pair the right Coca-Cola concoction with your burger and fries?
Be patient. I will reveal all.
On Facebook, though, the restaurant insists: "We are going all out providing the most romantic dining experience in history."
Better than Osteria Francescana?
Better than Octavia, the French Laundry or, you know, an intimate place in Paris, France?
This is quite some marketing.
There's also quite some price.
McDonald's is charging impassioned lovers 20 British pounds for two -- that's around $28.25.
Just imagine what could be worth that much money for a dinner at McDonald's.
I've tried to trace the most expensive McDonald's meals and many say they're in Norway.
But that's because Norway's an expensive place.
This, on the other hand, is a normally cheap McDonald's claiming to offer something utterly outlandish.
In any case, what if the place is busy?
Ah, the management appear to have thought of that. They're offering three sittings. 7 p.m., 8 p.m. and 9 p.m. (7 p.m. is already sold out.)
Who could ever resist?
I emailed the restaurant to ask for the menu and imagined it would be garlanded with images of red roses, bottles of champagne and ketchup hearts.
And, well, I wasn't entirely wrong. Not entirely.
The starters include Cheddar Bites, along with four nuggets and carrot sticks with Philadelphia cheese.
Ah. That already puts me in the mood for love.
The entrees are your choice from, well, the McDonald's menu. Things such as, oh, the Big Mac, the Signature Collection Burger, something called a Chicken Legend, Fillet-O-Fish, Veggie Burger, 20 chicken nuggets to share, or, well, any other burger McDonald's happens to be selling on that day.
Dessert will surely send you into paroxysms of passion.
It's your choice of a McFlurry, a fruit bag, an apple pie, or a muffin.
What could possibly be more romantic than a fruit bag?
Still, there's romance involved here, I promise.
The restaurant tells me that the meal will include "a rose, a favor box each and a glass of special fizz."
I'm not sure this McDonald's has quite got the complete gist of the sort of special fizz that goes into this romance thing, however.
One stipulation of the meal is: "Pay on arrival."