Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
McDonald's is in a state of permanent adjustment.
Tastes are changing, which means McDonald's has to turn its vast tanker of frozen meat and fatty morsels in a new direction.
And almost a year ago, the chain announced that it's creeping toward making Happy Meals healthier.
Now, though, there's a new, quite astounding step.
McDonald's has introduced a vegetarian Happy Meal.
I can already see parents delighting in the notion that their advertising-vulnerable kids can now eat a burger with no meat in it.
Sadly, not quite.
Instead, the chain is releasing the Happy Meal, featuring a wrap.
The wrap is a red pesto goujon tortilla wrap. Yes, it includes shredded lettuce. But, perhaps the greatest glory for McDonald's traditionalists is that it's still garnished with one of the world's great food groups -- tomato ketchup.
This whole(some) thing is a mere 209 calories and has been approved by the Vegetarian Society.
What's not to love?
It seems that not everyone is moved by McDonald's wrapping itself in an eco-friendly future.
Noted bulbously extreme bloviator Piers Morgan was appalled. On Twitter, he screeched:
Oh FFS. It's supposed to be a HAPPY meal.
Oddly, McDonald's chose to reply. Morgan, you see, had also railed against bakery Greggs introducing a vegan sausage roll. Morgan called the bakery "PC-ravaged clowns."
Astutely, Greggs replied:
Oh hello, Piers, We've been expecting you.
For its part, McDonald's offered:
Like our pals at the sausage roll place, we've been expecting you. Don't worry Piers, you can still get McNuggets in your Happy Meal!
There's no news that this "progressive" Happy Meal is coming to the U.S.
It seems clear, though, that competitors will worry that McDonald's is suddenly making itself acceptable to the audience of the concerned.
I leave (almost) the last words to McDonald's.
After all, the most important thing here is that kids actually like its greener happiness. So yes, there's a toy involved too:
We've teamed up with Pokemon to bring you a little bit of fun in every box. Plus, you can now choose a Fruit Bag instead of Fries.
Yes, a Pokemon toy and a Fruit Bag instead of Fries.
What more could a child of tomorrow want?