Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
When you want to give customers good news, make sure it's what they really want to hear.
If your announcement has holes, people will see through it. Some of those people may even be your competitors, ready to pounce on your every ounce of flesh.
So it is that McDonald's just made this announcement on Twitter: "Today we've announced that by mid-2018, all Quarter Pounder burgers at the majority of our restaurants will be cooked with fresh beef."
Some might mutter that this has been a long time coming and was still a long time coming.
Wendy's, though, took a different route.
Its Twitter account is well known for its wit and waggery. It rises to conquer and giggles while doing it.
So it immediately replied: "So you'll still use frozen beef in MOST of your burgers in ALL of your restaurants? Asking for a friend."
Quite brilliant. Moreover, quite true. So for all the crowing McDonald's did, it ended up having to eat crow.
What sort of announcement is it when customers still might have to wait a year?
And what sort of announcement is so obviously limited in scope when so many competitors -- from Shake Shack to even blessed Wendy's -- are eating your lunch with freshly sprinkled chutzpah?
Wendy's wasn't done. When an innocent Twitter bystander asked: "Can you ask them if they still sell McFlurries," Wendy's replied: "Only when the ice cream machine isn't broken." (the legend of the frozen ice cream machines at McDonald's is long and painful.)
But then McDonald's made it worse. There was its Twitter account staff having to answer awkward questions.
Sample from Twitterer Brian: "Are the current 100% beef patties not fresh?"
To which McDonald's answered: "Our 100% beef is ground, formed into patties & flash frozen to lock in freshness & flavor."
Do you flash freeze to lock in freshness? Or do your prefer freshness by buying fresh, cooking it, and feeling like you've just eaten something fresh?
With every answer, there was no way out, because the initial announcement was so ill-conceived.
McDonald's ended up having to put lipstick on (a) bull.
"Flash freezing is an effective method of food preservation. This helps to maintain the quality and consistency," tweeted McDonald's.
McDonald's has been teasing this announcement since last year. And there surely must be logistics involved that prevent a complete and instant transfer to fresh meat.
Still, McDonald's itself won't say how long it might take for the rest of its burgers to be made with fresh meat.
So why make this announcement now and like this? Why boast about something that is so limited, something that few, if any, can immediately take advantage of?
Wouldn't it have been better to start doing it, allow the customers who tried it to get excited about it on social media and then let the wave of interest build from the people?
Instead, this was a small promise wrapped in a big noise.
No, I'm not going to make the obvious joke here.