Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
For some people, money is merely a means to skip lines and breeze through life.
Money helps you rise above worries and avoid thinking altogether.
Are there no limits, however, beyond which the wealthy will refuse to waft their cash?
Even to them, don't some things smell like insanely painful value?
I merely ask because of a new item that appeared in Neiman Marcus's holiday catalog.
It was pre-cooked and frozen collard greens.
A useful item, you might say. You might even mutter that some rich people have likely never tried collard greens in their lives.
After all, this is food of the poor, of the South, of the black community.
Why, in 1997 golfer Fuzzy Zoeller remarked that Tiger Woods would likely serve collard greens at the next year's Champions Dinner. Because, you know, he's not the same color as Zoeller.
These are no ordinary collard greens.
These are collard greens that have been bathed in champagne and goat's milk. These are collard greens that have been frozen next to Ted Williams's body.
These collard greens glow in the dark, play tunes as they disappear down your epiglottis and have all the nutritional value of 100 protein shakes.
Please, I'm merely surmising all this from the price: $66 plus $15 shipping.
I hear your furiously calculating mind saying that these collard greens have a religious intention. They could feed the 5,000.
As NPR reports, this fine festive offering involves a mere 10 servings.
Surely, you'll belch, no one's going to pay that sort of money for 10 servings.
All I can tell you is that Neiman Marcus's collard greens are already sold out.
Many on Twitter did, however, express their nausea. Sample from Raheema: "Rich or not, if u pay $66 for greens, you're 1 fry short of a happy meal...but I'll make you some cabbage for $65.50 #gentrifiedgreens."
You, though, are already suffering disappointment that you can't try these greens with elevated collars.
Please don't despair. I know that the more I described them, the more you'd set your heart on them.
I direct you, therefore, to Neiman's Marcus's $92 gold-encrusted tamales.
I lied. They're not gold-encrusted at all. But they allegedly feed 18-24 people.
Oh, they're not exactly $92 tamales, either. Including the shipping, they're $110 tamales.
And, yes, of course they're frozen.
Just like the foreheads of half the shoppers at Neiman Marcus.