Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
This is more important than most news you've read in, oh, the last decade.
This concerns an essential foodstuff, one that -- for some people, at least -- can represent the difference between a meal uplifted and a day destroyed.
It can mean the difference between a meeting going quickly and your mouth and stomach making like Occupy Wall Street.
We're talking about chocolate.
This substance has brought me more spiritual joy than 100 yoga classes or 40,000 TED Talks.
It's like a revenge on life's nasty ways. That's why, in my view, it should always be served cold, straight from the fridge.
And now Nestle is making that prospect even more glorious, uplifting and even pleasing to the do-gooders who got soda banned in Berkeley.
You see, Nestle has just announced that it's found a way for perfect-tasting chocolate to have 40 percent less sugar.
Forget President-elect Trump's economic plan. This could make world productivity soar beyond imagination.
Nestle's words hold more hope for me than a whole bar of stunning Freia Kvikk Lunsj. (It's Norwegian. You have to try it. Within it, there is much salvation.)
"Using only natural ingredients, researchers have found a way to structure sugar differently," said Nestle. "So even when much less is used in chocolate, your tongue perceives an almost identical sweetness to before."
I don't know about you, but it's not so easy to fool my tongue. My tongue is going to be wary of the con it's about to enjoy.
Still, if it's truly possible that wonderful chocolate can have 40 percent less sugar (Nestle says it's patenting its findings), then please imagine how much your life might change for the better.
I have only two fears with this.
One, it's going to be like all those sugar-free promises that end up embittering you because true taste never materializes.
And two, will it make me eat 40 percent more chocolate?