Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
We strive every day.
We strive to be successful, attractive to others and, most of all, to be happy.
Meanwhile, scientists -- and charlatans -- all over the world try and help us in these quests.
I have a friend who's been to more self-help seminars than dates -- and he's been on a lot of dates. He's still not happy.
I worry, therefore, every time I see a study that suggests the truly reliable indicators of happiness.
The most famous Harvard study -- a 75-year affair -- suggested that the true secret of happiness is good relationships.
Yes, but that's not very helpful, is it? Finding and maintaining good relationships is really hard work.
Is there anything, then, that might offer a simpler path to a brighter day?
Well, my eyes have just fallen upon a study of 2,000 Americans.
It sought to determine if there was a link between happiness and water.
No, not living by the water. Drinking it.
And so a breathless New York Post offered: "Drinking enough water could be the key to feeling 'very happy'."
You see, this survey didn't just limit itself to happiness. No, it wanted pointers to being very happy.
We Americans adore extremes, as the rest of the world knows.
And so it appears that 67 percent of those who said they drank "more than enough" water declared themselves to be very happy.
This compared to a mere 21 percent of souls who said they didn't drink enough water but were still somehow very happy.
I fear both statisticians and philosophers will race to drive a large-wheeled Ford F-150 through these supposed results.
Just because someone drinks more than 10 glasses of water a day and claims to be very happy -- a fulsome 80 percent of these respondents -- doesn't mean that the 10 glasses of water are what made them very happy.
Oh, but in the survey the more glasses of water people said they drank per day, the happier they claimed to be.
Surely 8 out of 10 psychologists would love that correlation.
I feel the need to interject here, before you start throwing solid items at your screen.
It's worth considering who performed this research and why. Well, it was the work of OnePoll on behalf of O.Vine Wine Essence Water.
Which sounds like a product that may enjoy some emotional contradictions.
Naturally, I cannot take such a facile route to extreme happiness without mounds from several salt mines.
I will, though, offer a marginally mischievous extrapolation from this research.
75 percent of these fine Americans believe that drinking the right amount of water is a sign of maturity.
Everyone knows maturity makes you very happy.