Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Everyone wants millennials.
Well, when I say everyone, I mean every brand that wants to attract the sort of millennials who actually have money.
The thing about millennials is that there's no such thing really.
It's not as if everyone from a single generation likes the same things and does things in the same way.
Which creates a quandary for alcohol brands.
Recently I wrote about the painfully myopic, shamefully ignorant new campaign run by Coors.
In it, the beer brand suggested that Coors Light is the Official Beer Of Saturday Morning.
Because alcoholism isn't a problem at all, especially among the young. And when beer sales are going down, you have to get them wherever you can.
However unpalatable it might seem. And is.
Now along comes the second biggest whisky brand in the world -- Glenlivet -- to offer a completely new way for the younger generations to get into whisky.
This new way is Tide Pods.
Well, not exactly Tide Pods, but Whisky Pods.
Why have a glass and some rocks when you can have 23 milliliters of fine Glenlivet couched in a seaweed-based pouch?
And goodness, it's sustainable.
Actually, no whisky drinking is sustainable. After two or three snifters, you're liable to be a borderline case at best.
Officially, these things are called edible cocktail capsules.
What fun to blur the line between alcohol and prescription drugs.
Of course I hoped this was a joke, a ruse, an entertainment.
I fear, however, it may not be.
Indeed, who won't be moved by the blonde young woman in the ad whose eyes open wide like the Joker's as she experiences the full explosion of a sustainable Glenlivet pod in her mouth?
Naturally, the minute Glenlivet released the idea to the Twitterized masses, there were guffaws.
Many of those guffaws aren't publishable here, but your imagination might get you some way toward them. Especially if you work in the medical field.
A sample of the more benign:
Should I use these on permanent press or gentle cycle?
I can think of no situation where I would say, 'boy am I glad we have these seaweed pods of scotch.'
Oh, I'm torn here.
These Glenlivet Pods would seem to fit very well into an episode of Black Mirror.
Moreover, millennials like their quirks.
But with these things there's no sniffing, no savoring, no bathing in the aroma.
There's just a quick burst and that's that.
That's the modern world, I suppose.