Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
When you think about having a pizza, what do you do?
Or do you just want it to arrive in the next 10 minutes?
It seems that Americans have already decided and this has caused a slice of severe pain for one of the nation's most famous pizza brands.
Pizza Hut used to be everywhere and would fill Americans with more thick dough that it was seemingly safe to eat.
Why, it was so successful that it had Donald Trump appear in its first Stuffed Crust ads.
That was 1995. Now, things are looking a little more crusty. I mean, of course, for Pizza Hut.
Things have changed. The dominant brand is Domino's. As the Street.com just reported, same-store sales there rose by an astonishing 12.2 percent in the fourth quarter of 2016.
Analysts believe that the gap between Domino's and rivals has got bigger in the first quarter of this year.
They expect Domino's to become even more of a Pizza King. Why? Because it realized very early that humans would become obsessed with their phones.
Domino's invested heavily in mobile. Why, you can even order via Twitter. Well, anyone who spends time on Twitter knows you need something to take the acid taste out of your mouth.
Pizza Hut didn't see the digital nightmare -- some refer to it as a revolution -- coming.
As Greg Creed, CEO of its holding company Yum Brands, admitted to the Associated Press: "Easy beats better."
Let that be an epitaph for humanity. We constantly want things to be easier and easier and we get more and more slovenly.
Unlike Domino's and, indeed, Papa John's, people still think of Pizza Hut as a bricks and mortar brand, rather than one that represents speedy delivery. Or, really, any delivery.
Creed himself confessed: "We still have to turn Pizza Hut into a delivery brand."
Worse, the Pizza Hut franchisees still aren't all using the same point-of-sale system. There are, in fact, several, a situation that won't be remedied till the end of this year. That's like expecting all the different iterations of Android to work together.
While Domino's was partnering with the biggest brands in tech, such as Facebook and Alphabet, Pizza Hut seemed to be Pizzzzzza Hut.
The result of all this technological Neanderthalism?
As Domino's same-store sales rose in the oven, Pizza Hut's dipped by 2 percent in the same period. 2 percent in the pizza business is a big number. So if I tell you that at well-known US locations sales dipped 4 percent, you can appreciate this isn't a small problem.
I contacted Pizza Hut to ask how long it might take it to begin to cut into the pie again. A spokesman told me: "Roughly 50 percent of all orders are digital and of that, 70 percent are via mobile.We are strongly positioned in digital and continue to pursue ways to make it easy to get our pizza.
At heart, though, as you look at the brands, you just know that one stood still and the other looked ahead.
Too often, companies prepare for the world they know, rather than one that is to come.
That's when they get bit. That's when they have a slice taken out of their business.