Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
We are gathered here today to discuss those who think they're smarter than you.
You know, those who wear fancy suits and ties.
They think these garments accord them a certain status and perhaps even gravitas.
May I present, however, a study that brings this notion to its rightful place of shame.
Researchers at the University Hospital Schleswig-Holstein in Germany thought they'd see whether there were any physical effects of wearing a tie, especially if it's tied tightly, as many of the button-up like it.
What they found is that wearing a tie squeezes the veins in your head and restricts the flow of blood to the brain by 7.5 percent, when compared to those who don't wear ties.
This the researchers describe as a statistically significant difference.
Indeed, some suggest that this could even be fatal for those with inordinately high blood pressure.
I simply can't remember the last time I wore a tie. It was surely in the last century.
I was also unaware that science has been examining ties' effects for some years.
British scientists said in 2003 that tight ties can cause too much pressure on the eyes, leading to the possibility of early glaucoma.
Still, I fear that the idea that ties prevent the flow of blood to the brain will make several people consider the true merit of bankers in the world.
Politicians, too, wear ties all the time and now we can consider that their brains really may not be working properly.
And what about lawyers? Surely this science might offer a little indicator of the source of their occasional imperfections.
I haven't even begun to consider some of those who wear bow ties as a display of, what, style? Or lack of it.
Please look around you and consider those who are wearing ties and talking nonsense.
You might need to get them to loosen up a little.
For everyone's sake.