Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Airlines are always looking for some magical solution.
One that will defy time, space and the vicissitudes of humanity and lead everyone to a brighter day.
When it comes to boarding, this seems very unlikely, as airlines have surely tried everything already.
Why, just the other week I experienced United Airlines' new two-lane boarding system. It's well-intentioned, but the snootiest passengers proceeded to wreck it with angry abandon.
Southwest Airlines, however, has established its own procedures. They're different because there's no assigned seating.
So you get a letter and a number and you know exactly where to stand and when.
But does the airline think it can do better? It appeared, according to the Points Guy, to have just announced that it's testing a new boarding procedure that may sound like something you've heard before.
Especially if you were alive in, say, the 1980s.
You see, Southwest went on its website to tell people they could now use the forward and back doors for both boarding and deplaning.
How many times in the 80s do I remember arriving at a vacation destination and boarding a plane by climbing up the stairs and entering the plane from the back?
And now Southwest is going back to this splendid method?
I contacted Southwest to ask and then fell on the floor, weeping that the 1980s are only returning in a limited edition. A Southwest spokesman told me:
Our Marketing Team is letting our Customers traveling to and from San Jose, California and Sacramento know about our dual door boarding options there. Customers started receiving the emails in September. We've been offering this service in several California cities for a few years now.
In essence, then, Southwest is currently offering the potential of back-door boarding and deplaning at San Jose, Sacramento, Burbank and Long Beach.
You see, there really are no new solutions to the boarding madness.
Indeed, Southwest told me it had absolutely no plans to extend the back-door option to any other airports anywhere.
Here is the news: It's still 2018. At least, in many ways.