Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Starbucks's marketing department must be the busiest in the world.
No sooner do they dazzle you with almond milk than they're sending chile mocha your way.
It's perhaps no surprise, then, that even as Christmas is almost upon us, Starbucks has today launched yet another new drink.
Of course you'll never guess. That's the beauty of marketing. You walk into your local Starbucks and your barista says: "Hey, we've got yet another drink that marketing people want us to plug today. Isn't that exciting?"
This time it's Fruitcake Frappuccino. You read it absolutely right. What could be more festive than sweetness and gooeyness glorying in your plastic cup?
Starbucks describes the new concoction like this: "The new beverage is inspired by holiday fruitcake with its colorful candied fruits, nuts, and spices. Starbucks version starts with a Hazelnut Crème Frappuccino blended beverage with dried fruit added and spiced with cinnamon, topped with whipped cream and an ornate topping of caramel dots and a sprinkle of matcha."
Did you get all that? Imagine how much you'll get calorie-wise with this gory glory.
There's one important existential question here: Do you want to be seen drinking one of these things?
I ask because I suspect Starbucks knows that this might be a step too far for some. So it's offering "an ugly sweater beverage cozy as a gift with the purchase of a Fruitcake Frappuccino."
Wouldn't you want to buy one of these drinks specifically to obtain an ugly sweater beverage cozy?
Wouldn't it make your Christmas look complete? And would it at least partially hide what you're consuming?
You have to admire the ingenuity that goes into these ideas. Starbucks is keen to create so many mini-images to keep you interested. And, of course, to prepare you for paying ever more for your coffee.
Have you tried $10 Starbucks coffee yet?the