Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.

The bandwagon is getting heavier all the time.

McDonald's is on it. So is Sea World. Those dolphins are heavy.

And now Starbucks wants a seat.

Of course, some say these straws aren't exactly the last straw when it comes to pollution. They worry the real dangers -- fishing nets, for example -- will be ignored in favor of something that feels cool.

Actually, let's focus on the cool thing for a moment.

I am, of course, delighted that Starbucks is eliminating plastic straws by 2020. It's the replacement that worries me.

You see, Vancouver and Seattle -- places of considerable self-consciousness -- will be the first to experience Starbucks' new strawless sippy cups.

Plastic sippy cups.

Or, rather, a plastic cup with a sippy lid on top.

I hear you offer a cry of confusion. Please don't worry. These sippy cup lids are made of plastic that's a little more recyclable. Unlike Starbucks' paper cups, which enjoy a thin film of not very recyclable plastic.

Still, do you really want to be seen drinking out of a sippy cup? Might this be more deleterious to your image than a straw ever was?

At least straws occasionally appear in fine cocktails.

But imagine if your local bar started serving your favored tropical, pre-dinner alcoholic concoction in a sippy cup.

That would surely destroy your personal cool clout. 

Perhaps Starbucks has considered this. It says it'll be creating "alternative-material straw options" for those who simply cannot be seen with a sippy.

This will all surely cause some dilemma for customers wanting their quick caffeine hit.

Let's hope those alternative-material straws become material worldwide very quickly. 

Published on: Jul 9, 2018
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.