Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
It's that time of year.
The one where we're all supposed to (pretend to) love each other.
Trouble is, this year is fraught with fright.
It's not just that Halloween is lingering, clowns are loitering, and the world is teetering on the brink of nuclear war.
It's that we're each divided from the other.
No, these aren't (necessarily) my sentiments. These are the feelings of Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz.
He made his views clear in a press release: "During a divisive time in our country, Starbucks wanted to create a symbol of unity as a reminder of our shared values, and the need to be good to each other."
Be good to each other? On November 9, whomever wins, there will be rioting in the streets. Good will have emigrated to Canada, Mexico, and other saner places.
Still, Starbucks wants you to cling on to that good while you can.
And so, from November 1, it's launching a new cup.
This cup isn't the red one you normally associate with the holidays.
This is a green cup upon which is a "mosaic of more than a hundred people drawn in one continuous stroke."
Every time you clutch it, look around your local Starbucks and hug everyone you see.
The green cup will signify that you are a loving soul who only wants what's right for America.
The green cup is neither blue nor red. This means it's apolitical. It's pro-human. It's pro-love.
It's the cup that says you runneth over with a need to unite and not divide.
Oddly, this is a phrase that every presidential candidate uses. Shortly before he or she explains that the opposing candidate makes Beelzebub look like Tony Robbins.
Though it's easy to jest, at least Starbucks wants to say something, make some sort of gesture to our parlous state, while it's charging us almost $1 more for a little almond milk.
Moreover, rumor has it the red cup will still come along at some point between now and the holidays. As long as President Trump approves it.
For now, though, go forth and demand your loving green cup.
Perhaps just by looking at it you'll feel part of the great human experiment again.
Or, at least, you'll feel some sympathy for those who still are.