Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
So the rumors were true.
A few weeks ago, an unfaithful Starbucks employee leaked the design of its holiday cups.
They looked as if the designers had thrown up their hands and splattered a thousand Christmas motifs all over the place and then gone home.
Should you have been unreasonably incarcerated for the last few years, you may not know that the coffee chain has been regularly accused of, um, killing Christmas by not making its holiday cups sufficiently festive.
Could these holiday cups be the company's exasperated response?
It's seems that we might now mumble: "Uh-huh."
For this was, indeed, the new, blandly messy design that will enclose your latte for the next few weeks.
Starbucks has released an official video explaining the deep thought-processes that went into the cups' creation.
Think of it as the creation myth.
The video explains: "The holidays mean something different to everyone."
This might be translated as: "Oh, we're not going to get into it with religious activist types this Christmas."
So these cups are, indeed, the half-finished symbol-splattered things that they appeared to be.
Because Starbucks wants you to finish the designs for yourself.
"This year's cup is intentionally designed to encourage our customers to add their own color and illustrations," Leanne Fremar, Starbucks' executive creative director, said in a statement. "We love the idea of everyone making this year's cup their own."
Of course she does.
"How you make it special is up to you," says Starbucks in its video, oddly omitting the rest of the sentence, which might read: "We'd rather you got blamed this time for being not Christmassy enough."
Of course, this puts a lot of pressure on you to create Christmas purity on your cup.
What will you do if strangers walk up to you and insist you add a couple more angels or an additional Magus?
There's also a pained logic here.
When are you supposed to make your cup more beautiful?
Does Starbucks want you to bring your crayons and magic markers to the store, ready to paint your cup, even before you take a sip from it?
That will create quite some messy chaos -- which the chain surely has enough of already.
Or perhaps Starbucks wants you to keep your cup, decorate it at home and, well, what? Put it on your mantelpiece? Exhibit it at work? Hold it at all times to show off your talents and allegiances?
"Make the Holiday Cup Your Own," is the video's final message.
Oh, now you're going to see how hard this Christmas cup design thing truly is.