Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek. 

Can you hear that mournful, sonorous thump?

That's some of the more powerful people in Silicon Valley beating their chests in a plea for forgiveness.

They look at the world they've wrought and wonder what they've done to humanity.

Yet I bring news of one Silicon Valley icon who wants the world to be a healthier place, not just a better one.

Oracle co-founder Larry Ellison has teamed up with Steve Jobs's former doctor to bring wellness to the world. Or, at least, to Hawaii.

As Business Insider has it, they've created a company called Sensei.

Should you be unfamiliar with this word, it's best known in the martial arts world as meaning teacher.

One assumes, then, that this company will teach you to be well, rather than the slightly sick little puppy that you currently are.

I wafted to the Sensei website and my senses were assaulted by words and sentences that I would never expect coming from, say, a business software company.

The first sentence: "Every seed we plant has a purpose and a story." 

And the "Our Story" section begins like this: "It began on a long walk."

This is deeply ethereal and meditative in a way that no tech company could ever be.

Another sample from the site: "We are creating an ecosystem of products, experiences, and foods that are enriching and empower you to take care of the whole you."

Honestly, my whole me is one big, black hole of a not-whole me. 

This company could be really helpful. Please tell me it's a back-to-the-roots-and-essences-of-human-life kind of thing, far away from the deep, grabbing mind of gadgets and software.

And then, disappointment.

"What guides us is a belief that knowledge is the greatest tool in health and that technology allows us to unlock deeper insights," says the site.

Technology allows us to unlock deeper insights? No, it allows us to unlock our phones with our faces.

I'm sorry, I'll try to keep going. It's not easy.

Sensei does claim it'll be growing fruits and vegetables on the Ellison-owned island of Lanai and using the latest technology to make things more eco-friendly.

Things like Tesla solar power and hydroponics will make the energy consumption minimal when compared to some traditional methods.

"We create the ideal environment for each of our very different fruits and vegetables to thrive. Because our food is always grown locally, it doesn't need to travel far, staying fresh and full of goodness," the company says. 

I suppose I'll have to move to Lanai.

Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea, does it?

I have a feeling I'll be much saner just by being there.

Published on: Mar 23, 2018