Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
I believe in love the same way I believe in the stock market.
It's a wonderful thing, but it's so hard to benefit from it.
I know, though, that many readers believe in both. Which is why the onset of Valentine's Day can provoke excesses of angst.
As your guardian of emotional health, I've been considering what to suggest so that you come out of February 14 looking like a true lover, rather than a truly calculating soul. (Which, be honest, you are.)
Too many people, I fear, take the easy way out.
Flowers and a fancy dinner.
But florists and fine restaurants can see you coming. They know that you'll buy roses that rot within 24 hours. They giggle as you marvel at tasting menus carefully designed to use all the produce that the restaurant has either over-ordered or simply failed to sell.
What can you do to make the day more memorable? And remember, as well as wanting to express love, you want your one true love (of this year) to believe you're a fine businessperson.
1. Rent A Yacht.
I imagined this would be frightfully expensive. But how much is true love worth to you? I wandered aimlessly around the web and found a site called Yachtico. I'm told by the Yachticans that a week's rental of a sizable yacht can set you back a mere $5,000. And imagine that you can book online and show your lover that you're not only a person of means, but a person who means it when they say: "You float my boat." You can even hire a captain for as little as $150 a day, although you'll seem more like a true entrepreneur if you can helm your own craft. And here's one of the other glories: If you pick the right place to set sail, there might be no internet connectivity. What could say "I love you" more than that?
2. Pair An Extremely Good Wine With An In-N-Out Burger.
Alright, so you think the yacht thing might be too extravagant. You want your lover to think that you have style, but you're the kind of entrepreneur who understands that there's a massive recession coming. Declare, then, that you have kept for this very moment a bottle of the finest wine. Then take a mystery tour before you end up at In-N-Out. As you look into your lover's stunned, possibly disappointed eyes, whisper: "The really good things in life don't always cost the earth." This will surely melt the hardest of hearts, as long as your lover doesn't quite make the connection that you're comparing your relationship to a cheap (but very good) burger joint. Of course, you can always bring the wine and go to In-N-Out before you mosey to your rented yacht.
3. Take The Day Off.
Yes, I know Valentine's Day falls on a Sunday this year. But Sunday is just another workday for most entrepreneurs. It's not as if it's easy to switch your mind off from, say, funding in order to think about fun. It's not as if the constant waves of business stop just because you go all King Canute on them. But that's the point, isn't it? If you really want to express your love -- rather than participate with a bunch of fellow sheep in a mindless ritual -- then take the day off, grab your finest wine, go to In-N-Out and waft down to your wonderful rented yacht. I feel sure you won't regret it.