Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
You look at them and think: "What do they have that I don't?"
Other than billions of dollars, of course.
Is there really anything so special about billionaires? Or do they merely fall into certain fortunate categories that allow them to prosper?
GoCompare decided to look at some essential statistics on the world's 100 richest over the last 20 years.
Here's what you need to be in order to see those billions.
1. Be an Aquarian.
The most popular star sign among billionaires is Aquarius. It surprisingly beats out the bullishness of Taurus. Perhaps it's Aquarians' deep thinking creativity that makes them so special. Perhaps it's their general joie-de-vivre and sagacity that helps them rise above the rest. (Disclosure: An Aquarian is writing this.) It could, of course, just be a random scattering. On the other hand, if your sign is Libra or Cancer, you have less that half the chance of an Aquarian of touching those billions.
2. Be bald.
It seems that the number of bald billionaires is on the rise. Did they tear their hair out to get to the top? I'll say that before you do. Do bald people feel they have more to prove, especially if they went bald young? (Disclosure: No hair. Not a billionaire.) Or is this another random statistic that merely suggests billionaires are older people who lost their hair at fairly usual times? Either way, this isn't good news for female billionaires. Here's some better news: The number of female billionaires has gone up 50 percent in the last 20 years.
3. Be married.
Such traditionalists, these billionaires. Eighty-seven percent of them are married. This compares to only 49 percent of the U.S. population. It's well known that marriage helps men live longer and be happier. There again, this analysis doesn't makes clear how many times these billionaires have been married. They have been reproductive, though. Sixty-three percent of them have three or more children. Well, they can afford it.
4. Be self-made.
There are those who get a head start. Donald Trump, for example. But one trend over the last 20 years has been that those who attain truly exalted financial status are more likely to have done it themselves. The number of self-made billionaires has risen by 50 percent in the last 20 years. Yes, you still have hope. Especially if you're only 22.
5. Be old.
You look at Mark Zuckerberg and think: "I could have been him." Would you really want to be? Oh, never mind. The painful truth is that over the last 20 years billionaires' average age has increased by 20 years. Think about it. We're still looking up to Warren Buffett. This statistic tells you something more, however. Something more troubling. The rich are simply getting richer. Just as Occupy Wall Street always told us. If trends continue as they are, the average billionaire in 2051 will be more than 100 years old. There, doesn't that cheer you up?