Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
America sometimes has to wait.
Especially, I find, in matters of taste.
Europe still has that gastronomic something, and here we clamor for it like children for screen time.
I bring, therefore, good news.
Recently, I mentioned that the Exquisite Collection Côtes de Provence Rosé, 2016, had won a silver medal at the International Wine Challenge 2017.
This was slightly remarkable because it costs a mere $8.
No, not for a glass. For a bottle. This rosé was one of Aldi's fine specials.
Of course, Americans also being keen for a bargain, they couldn't work out why they weren't able to buy it. The pain of knowing that it's only in the U.K. made things worse.
Please, therefore, prepare.
The $8 world beater arrives on Aldi's shelves in the U.S. on September 20.
This might make you fear it will disappear on September 20. After all, it's only available for a limited time.
I therefore have an idea.
Please immediately sidle along to your nearest Aldi.
There, befriend someone who looks important. Alternatively, someone who is sure to be on duty on the morning of September 20. (These are basic business tactics, after all. Network for success.)
Make sure this particular Aldi is getting supplies of this allegedly exquisite rosé, which defeated other pink wines that cost much more.
Explain just how great your need is to obtain this particular rosé.
I suggest you make up some very believable story.
Sample: It's your daughter's wedding next week, you lost a lot of money betting on Conor McGregor and there will be 120 guests. Tears will help.
It will surely also help if you're already a regular at said Aldi. That way, you might even glean the precise hour and minute these bottles will appear.
It might be wise to go all "Apple fan-person" on the whole thing and camp out the night before. Or even two nights before.
That way you might not only get a few bottles of exquisite(ly cheap) rosé, but local TV news stations might come by to wonder why you're doing it. (And to wonder if you're sane.)
Please be clear. I'm not suggesting any illegal subterfuge, such as slipping into the store the night before. Or slipping an Aldi employee a couple of dollars for some sort of inside track.
However, just as all politics are local, so is all business. Your ingenuity is now being challenged.
I haven't myself tasted one of these fine rosés. And I just checked where my nearest Aldi store is located. The answer: 262.94 miles away.
So I'm relying on you. Please don't let me down.